Single men, especially my clients, often share that they struggle to attract the right kind of women, particularly online.
Does this sound familiar?
This is incredibly common after heartbreak, divorce, or separation.
In my latest podcast episode, I delve deeper into this topic, providing insights and practical advice on increasing your frequency.
If you found this episode helpful or informative please leave a review and share.
Check out my audio masterclass on talking to women here.
Interested in my upcoming course? Join my mailing list here.
With love, Kimberly
Transcript:
0:15
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence Project.
I’m your host, Kimberly Hill, and this podcast is all about life and dating and relationships and navigating this intoxicatingly tricky world that we are all in.
0:31
I want to bring you humor.
I want to bring you fun.
I want to bring you practical advice that you can apply right away in your lives, in your dating lives, and in your relationships.
So thank you all for tuning in.
I look forward to bringing you another episode.
What are we waiting for?
0:47
Let’s get started.
So to the self-confidence Project, it’s me, Kimberly, your host for the last couple of years, talking about all things wild and wacky in the realm of dating and relationships.
And today’s no different because we’re going to be talking about why some of you single guys, why some of you guys are just genuinely struggling to attract the right types of women.
1:11
This is, this is the most common theme I see and have seen in the last five years of running this practice with men.
You know, the question is, you know, how come I’m struggling a little bit and dating?
How come I’m struggling to attract the right types of women?
I’ve, I’ve had people review my online dating profile, but I seem to be kind of matching with women that I wouldn’t really ever consider being with.
1:33
Maybe maybe those women are just not keeping themselves healthy or they’re just not in the realm of attractiveness that I, you know, would consider wanting or desiring.
Lot of different questions here.
So today I’m going to attempt to kind of give you guys some insight into why you might be struggling to attract the right type of partner into your life.
1:56
We’re going to cover this in a in a unique way, something you might not be expecting.
Now, before I dive into all the good stuff on the podcast today, of course, I want to remind you guys that if you’re interested in working with a dating and relationship coach and you know, maybe you’ve never attempted to do this type of coaching before or you’re thinking, you know, I really just want to attract and meet the right types of women.
2:22
And for some reason, I just haven’t been having success.
And maybe I’m recognizing I want a little support in this area of life.
And look, this is what I do.
This is the bread and butter of what I’ve been doing the last five years in this coaching business.
I support guys just like you to enjoy the dating process, to have more confidence and clarity, to focus on the right types of women, to attract the right types of relationships, and just navigate all the stuff that’s going to pop up in between.
2:47
Everything from helping you to understand what the heck she means when she sends you this particular text to zooming out to the bigger things on such as, you know, dealing with your emotions after a divorce or understanding your attachment style.
So my focus is a very holistic approach and that’s why I’ve had really great success with the clients that I have worked with.
3:09
So just a reminder there that, you know, I always start with a complimentary call.
It is valued at $500.
We do spend 45 minutes getting to know each other and making sure that coaching’s the right fit for you and I’m the right fit for you.
That’s ultimately my goal is to to have you walking away from that relationship feeling really satisfied, maybe even having that special lady in your life at that point in time.
3:31
So just a reminder that the the link to book that is in the show notes here.
Now there’s something exciting coming up in the future as well.
So even though I’ve had many months off dealing with my health, I’ve had this idea burning in the back of my mind for years, probably since I started this business.
3:48
But you know, I really wanted to focus on supporting men on a one-on-one basis and making sure that, you know, I I was getting good results.
This is genuinely a sustainable business, not just like many other creators that, you know, put digital products out there and, and say that they’re the best at everything they do.
4:06
The way I’ve always focused on my business and, and being genuine and authentic is, you know, it’s going slow and moving slow.
But I have gotten to the point now where, you know, the coaching I have done with men has been so wildly successful that I’ve really taken and distilled some of the most important themes that come across my plate and my coaching relationships with men.
4:27
And I am developing a course.
And you know, some of you might be exhausted by the amount of courses out there, but I guarantee this one is going to be jam packed with genuine authentic information, videos, audio recordings, custom worksheets and a whole lot more.
4:44
So that if you are wanting to kind of go at your own place when it comes to dating and some of the self-awareness and attracting great women and setting up a profile, then this is going to be a really great option for you.
So if you’re interested in this, OK, it’s not live yet, but I am generating some interest for a wait list so that you guys can be first to know when this does go live.
5:06
Either hit me up on Instagram and just say, hey, I’m interested in in the course.
Send me an e-mail if you got my e-mail information or wherever you are connected with me.
OK, let me know if you’re interested.
And of course, there’s going to be an e-mail going out after this podcast as well.
So why, why do some men struggle to attract the right types of women?
5:26
OK, what the heck is going on here?
And is this just like a, a common problem across all men?
Is this an individual problem?
It’s a little bit of both.
OK, So what I actually want to introduce to you guys today is one of the 12 universal laws.
5:41
Now, people that listen to the guys, girls that listen to my podcast, you know, sometimes we dive into the spiritual realm, sometimes we don’t.
But one of the things I want to talk about today is that there are 12 universal laws.
These are believed to be the laws that govern the universe, our human experience.
6:00
And yes, they are often associated with that kind of metaphysical spiritual belief system.
But many of us are really familiar with the law of attraction, OK, Like attracts like positive or negative thoughts and feelings attract those kind of corresponding positive or negative thoughts or experiences and people.
6:19
And so that’s a big part of why you might not be attracting what you want the law of attraction.
But I’m not just going to harbor on about the law of attraction today.
I actually want to talk about one of the other universal laws and how this might be the law that is preventing you from attracting the type of relationship you want.
6:43
And that law is called the Law of vibration.
OK, what the heck is the law of vibration?
The Law of vibration states that everything in the universe vibrates at a specific frequency, which is true, right?
6:58
Including your thoughts, your emotions, and you know, things like physical objects.
So in the context you’re like Kim, what the heck?
In the context of a man, a single man trying to attract a quality woman into his life while he’s out there dating.
7:17
If you are vibrating at a low frequency, you will attract a low frequency woman or low frequency experiences.
What does that mean?
7:35
Low frequency means insecurity.
It means a lack of self assurance.
It means a man who is unsure of where he is heading in the context of dating and relationships.
7:54
So this law implies several potential impacts that it’s going to have on your dating life, like attracts like in terms of this frequency here.
So if you again have this insecurity because you’re divorced and you’re sad that you’re divorced and you have shame and guilt around being divorced because you really did love the woman you marry.
8:15
But things changed and it took you by surprise and the intimacy dwindled and the communication dwindled and you you felt like you weren’t good enough for her or whatever it might be.
If you’re feeling a little bit of this insecurity, then you’re also going to be attracting women who are vibrating at the similar low frequency.
8:36
So women that also have not had a very fulfilling or happy relationships or have recently gotten divorced or gotten out of relationships where they as well are vibrating at this lower frequency.
Maybe they’re insecure about themselves or their body or whatever it might be.
8:54
So what happens is if you’re navigating dating at a lower frequency and you may not even be consciously aware of this, you might think, no, I like, I’m pretty good in my life, but maybe deep down there’s a lot of unresolved issues here.
Then it is likely you’re going to start attracting women that also have unresolved issues.
9:13
And that’s going to manifest maybe in a way that you’re not expecting.
It might manifest with a woman that you think is really attractive, but her behavior’s off and you’re thinking, what the heck did I do to attract this?
Maybe it’s going to manifest where you’re, you know, not getting matches at all.
Or maybe it’s going to manifest where you’re attracting women that kind of are like a, a physical caliber that you’re, you’re thinking like, holy crap.
9:34
Like had a client made me laugh because the way he described like the women he was attracting online were like, you know, these like swamp women, so to speak.
So you know, it’s, it’s, it’s because we attract similar energy.
This is the law of vibration.
9:50
It’s also the law of attraction, right?
So this also is going to imply another impact for you is to answer this big question as to why are you not attracting the types of women you want or experience who you want is because you’re going to then be repelling women that are actually vibrating at a high frequency.
10:11
So if the woman women are really confident, they’re self assured, they’re really positive, they’re emotionally healthy, they’re nice and regulated, then these women are going to be less likely, they’re less likely to be attracted to you if you are vibrating at a low frequency.
10:28
And like I said, you might not be really consciously aware of this, but it could be existing in the power of your thoughts or your emotions.
Maybe you’re kind of thinking like, oh, dating is really tough or like I’m getting older I have handlebars on my side, or like I just don’t have the same pep I had when I was younger.
10:49
If you’re having those types of thoughts and you are encouraging that lower frequency, maybe it’s more so the emotions you’re feeling.
Maybe you’re like having positive thoughts, but at night you just feel lonely and you feel tired, you feel burnt out and you feel confused and frustrated.
11:05
Again, that equates that lower frequency.
So women who are just naturally and relatively intuitive are going to subconsciously sense this insecurity from these men and they’re going to feel less drawn to them because they’re vibrating up here with this confidence, the self assuredness, this positivity, and they’re going to sense that something is off with this guy.
11:27
They might not be able to put their finger on it, but they’re going to go, I just don’t feel that connection with him.
I don’t feel what I want to be feeling in order to take this further into, you know, a committed relationship.
So this is going to impact your interactions, right?
11:43
Low frequency vibrations manifest as like I said earlier, that negative or harsh self talk, that inner criticism, it manifests in lack of confidence.
So if you’re the kind of guy that’s like, you know, too afraid to approach women or you can’t talk to women in public, or you’re feeling really uncertain, of course it’s going to negatively impact your interactions.
12:06
And of course it’s going to impact the communication that you have with women that you do end up talking to.
Because what happens as we get into the scarcity mindset, this mindset of, Oh my goodness, I don’t have very many options.
Oh my goodness, I’m running out of time.
Oh my goodness, negative negative, negative, low frequency.
12:25
And I know this to be true because there was a point in my life when I had split from a partner and I was conflicted.
I was like OK like I’m strong I can get through this.
But deep down I was really vibrating at a low frequency and holy shit guys.
12:41
The amount of weird ass interactions and people I ended up meeting at that point in my life, I look back and go, I think that was one of my lowest periods of self-confidence ever because the, the men I was allowing into my life were not the right types of men.
12:59
And I was starting to have these really negative experiences and going, what on earth is going on?
Well, it’s when I realized that my energy, my thoughts, my emotions, my frequency was was totally off.
And until I was able to create that self-awareness and fix myself to a degree and work on myself.
13:19
Then when I put myself back out there, Oh my gosh, things changed like almost night and day.
And it had a lot to do with me getting out and journaling in the morning.
It had to do a lot with me focusing on powerful affirmations, visualizations, reading the right type of content, being around the right type of people and giving myself space and time.
13:43
And I’m going to talk about some strategies for you guys too here.
So the last thing I want us to talk about in terms of how it’s going to kind of, you know, imply negative impacts, negative, you know, interactions potentially for you guys.
If you’re vibrating at this low frequency is well, you create the self fulfilling prophecy where you kind of start to expect to have bad interactions with women or you kind of start to expect that you’re going to just have dismal results online, or you just kind of expect women to be shitty towards you or critical to you.
14:18
And that expectation influences how you show up way more than you think.
And that becomes the outcome of your dating experiences.
We are what we think we are what we feel, right?
So your vibrational frequency, woo, woo, whatever you want to call it.
14:38
Maybe you want to call it something different.
Your level of, you know, self-confidence, call it that.
If that’s low, you attract low, right?
So one of the biggest reasons why guys get out there and date and have shitty experiences and frustrating experiences is because there is something that they need to deal with internally first.
15:01
It’s so easy to just blame the whole species of women, right?
It’s easy to just say there are no good women out there, which is also a self limited belief, right?
It’s so easy to just be like online dating doesn’t work for me.
Women never want to be approached and and start to develop these types of beliefs because your experiences aren’t so great.
15:22
It really starts with focusing on the internal version of you.
If you want to increase your frequency and increase the frequency of people and interactions.
Now, this is not related to dating only.
My goodness, this is going to impact your career, your friendships, your relationships with your kids, whatever it might be.
15:42
This all, you know, we’re talking about the context of dating here, but this is this is going to impact your entire life.
So OK, you’re like, OK, Kim, I get it.
I got to work on myself.
Like, thanks.
I’ve I’ve heard enough, right?
What do you do about it?
Well, of course, there’s so many things that you can do to work on oneself and there is, let me remind you, not A1 size fits all solution here.
16:05
Just like medicine, we cannot take a blanket approach and just assume that everybody needs the same thing.
We’re individuals.
We need individual support, individual strategy.
So while I’m going to share some with you today, and I do this with my clients too, I say there is more than one thing that you can do here to build your frequency, to build your confidence increase that self talk.
16:27
So I’m going to share a couple today, but just know that if these things don’t resonate with you or you’ve tried them, they don’t really work.
That’s OK, because there’s something else that you can do.
OK, so one of them is going to be journaling.
OK, Journaling is I, I genuinely believe it’s a beautiful, beautiful tool.
16:46
It slows your mind down, it creates self-awareness.
But journaling, you know, is the most effective when we’re asking ourselves the right kind of questions and then answering those questions.
So there’s two types of journaling.
17:02
Well, there’s probably more than two types, but there’s stream of consciousness journaling, which is just taking a pen to paper and literally writing out whatever comes through your stream of consciousness comes through your mind at that point in time, including I am just writing out whatever I’m thinking.
17:18
Oh my God, I’m feeling this.
This is what’s happening.
And that’s just like a, a big blanket dump of whatever is in your mind onto a piece of paper at that time.
And that can be really helpful.
But there’s also journaling where you’re responding to a specific tailored question, a specific question that opens up your mind to think deeply about a previous situation, a future situation, a current situation.
17:47
And this allows you to go deeper into understanding yourself.
And This is why I love journal prompts, carefully crafted journal prompts that are going to open up awareness, confidence building.
Because for example, let’s say there’s something that triggers you with the with women dating, maybe it’s something they do online, probably something they do online, right?
18:09
If you start to get carefully crafted questions around that and you can begin to understand why that triggers you and maybe what’s happened in the past that felt similar, that brings up this intense emotion that you’re feeling when this whatever thing happens with women online, you can start to understand yourself better.
18:28
And then when you understand yourself better, you can learn to respond differently, put yourself in different situations.
Like you’re now the master of your own fate.
You’re in control here because you have the awareness.
So many of us are walking around in this world with like no awareness of ourselves and, and no understanding of ourselves.
18:45
And I’ve come across people like that and I’ve been like that in my past.
And, and, and it’s, it’s not really a good place to be.
It’s to walk around in this world with kind of a lack of awareness because we got one life here and we just want to really understand who we are from the inside out.
19:01
And that that doesn’t just get better with time and age.
It get better.
It gets better with practice.
So journaling specific tailored journaling is so important.
So is positive affirmations and your mindset.
Now this isn’t about toxic positivity.
19:16
I’m not saying that you have to be positive about everything that happens in your life.
I think that’s a load of horseshit.
And I don’t think that’s a good thing for people to to think or to have that expectation of themselves.
But if you can start shifting your thinking patterns from that inner critical thought that you know, there are no good women out there for me, like online dating is not going to work for me.
19:37
I’m too old, too fat to meet a good woman.
All women just care about money.
If you kind of have those thinking patterns like low vibration, low experiences, low attraction, right?
So what can you do to help elevate your vibrational frequency?
19:54
You start thinking about affirmations that open you up to better possibility.
What does that look like?
What does that sound like?
Women will love me for the man that I am.
20:12
I enjoy dating.
It can be simple phrases like that.
And when you start to adopt those phrases and you start to shift your thinking because this is, this is.
If you’re spending time thinking these things versus thinking this is hard, I’m not gonna do this, I’m too old.
20:28
My, you know, like relationships are no good.
Like no woman’s gonna love me, whatever it might be.
Instead, you’re shifting yourself to thinking more realistic things.
And I’m not saying affirmations need to be like, all women in the world adore me.
That’s like, no, that’s not realistic.
20:44
Of course not all the women in the world are gonna adore you.
It’s impossible, right?
So it’s about the right women will love you for who you are.
It’s about positive affirmations that are realistic, that feel good when you say them and that you can you can build truth into that.
21:00
So positive affirmations are a whole other, you know, deep dive, but it’s really about changing that negative thinking pattern into something that’s more realistic.
And you can do positive affirmations daily.
OK.
I encourage people to do them daily if they have really deep seated negative beliefs need to shift.
21:20
Of course, there’s just like plain old emotional healing, counseling, therapy, coaching, other self help practices where, you know, depending on what your childhood was, depending on what you’ve really been through in your past relationships, maybe you do need to address past traumas, emotional wounds.
21:36
Maybe that looks like a men’s group.
Maybe that looks like, maybe it really just looks like therapy.
Maybe it is coaching that that you need.
Maybe it is art therapy or family therapy or all sorts of different modalities.
Maybe it’s ayahuasca journey.
Maybe it’s spending more time in nature.
21:54
Maybe it’s the journaling that’s going to do it for you.
But it’s really about the emotional healing.
And then there’s also just surrounding yourself with positive people.
If you’re vibrating low and you’re hanging around with low vibration people, self fulfilling prophecy here.
22:10
So what about the people that are supportive, that are positive in your life, who uplift you, that encourage you?
They’re going to help raise your vibrational frequency.
Who are those people in your life?
And if you don’t have them, OK, this is an important area of your life to focus on is building those connections and building that community.
22:29
And then there’s things like meditation and mindfulness, you know, and again, I had a counseling session yesterday because I, I’ve needed it with all the shit I’ve been going through.
And I recognize that stillness is not really the way for me.
Meditation is, is not where I feel like get my healing right.
22:51
So if that’s not for you, well, get out there and get more active.
You can do active meditation too, or like walking meditation or whatever it might be.
Or maybe you just need to get in the gym and lift some weights and that’s what makes you feel good.
But for others, slowing down can really help center you and that can promote a higher vibrational state.
23:12
And what else?
Something else I’m getting into and I by no means know anything about this. 0.01% which is Qigong, right?
It’s just like increasing the energy flow in your body through certain movements.
23:30
I’m not going to teach you anything about it because I’m just exploring that myself.
But when you actively work to raise your vibration guys, you become more attractive to women.
You attract higher vibration women.
23:45
This is going to lead you to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
This is one of the biggest reasons why men are going.
Why am I not attracting the right kind of women?
Universal law of vibration.
It states that everything in the universe vibrates at a specific frequency and items of similar frequency are attracted to one another.
24:08
So if you’re not having the success you want in dating, it’s easy to just blame the external factors of the world.
But if you look inwards, you might realize that it’s your energy that needs a little uplifting.
So I hope this has been insightful for you guys.
24:25
That is, it’s a big question that many of us ask.
And again, this is just some insight into how you might be able to look inwards to find some of the resources, confidence boosting energy, increasing answers for yourself so that you can start to have more fun, more enjoyable dating experiences, because that’s ultimately what I want for you, right?
24:50
It sound familiar?
This what I’m talking about here in this podcast is incredibly common after heartbreak, divorce, separation, years of failed dating attempts.
This is so common.
You’re totally not alone.
So I’m hoping that you know this is making you feel inspired to say, hey, like I can do project me for a little bit and see what happens.
25:11
Because when you are having fun in your life, when you are doing things that bring you joy, you attract joy into your life.
So thanks so much for tuning into today’s episode.
Again, if you guys are interested to, to work with the coach, you know where the link is.
25:28
I got some exciting stuff coming up this year, including that core.
So if you are interested to learn a little more about that, get ahead of the rest of the crowd, send me an e-mail or Adm on Instagram or head over to kimberlyninahill.com, which is my my website.
25:45
And there you’ll find a contact form as well.
You can drop me a note and say hey, I’m interested.
Hope you guys have a beautiful weekend of coming here and look forward to another episode next week.
Ciao.
