Welcome back to another episode of The Self-Confidence Project. Today we’re discussing three essential things you can start doing to attract your dream woman or relationship. Whether you’re dating after a divorce, a long-term relationship, or just starting to dip your toes back into the dating scene, this episode is for you. We’re focusing on creating a clear vision for what you want, removing self-sabotaging barriers, and getting out there to create opportunities. If you’re struggling with dating or just not finding the success you want, it’s time to get the support you need.
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Kimberly
Here’s the transcript
Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. I am your host, Kimberly, and I’m excited today because we’re going to be talking about. Three things, not 15 things, 20 things, 10 things, three things that you can begin doing to start attracting your dream woman, your dream partner, your dream relationship.
Now, if you’re out there dating and you’re dating after divorce. Or a long-term relationship has ended or you’re separated and have been for some time and you’re dipping your toe back into the dating scene. You probably are listening to me because things are feeling frustrated because you’re not attracting the types of women that you want to attract because. Dating just feels really complicated and nuanced and, and everything is changed maybe even since the last time. You were out there dating, or maybe you never really dated.
Maybe you’re one of those guys and that got into a relationship with the first woman. They really fell in love with, and you’re coming out of a [00:01:00] 15, 20 year marriage. This is really common. I work with men that are in this position very often. And what happens is when you get out there into the dating scene, It’s all new. And you’re going to have a lot of realizations about. What dating. Is expecting of you today.
And so all I want to do in this podcast, and for those of you that. I made comments in the last few shows. I promise I’ll try and be less long-winded in this show. I do get carried away. I’m going to stick to three specific things that you can think about and do to start attracting the right types of women into your life.
And these things are all within your control. Now, of course, before I dive into all of that, if you are new to this show, Uh, welcome here we talk. All things. Life dating relationships. Uh, I try and do so with an air of lightheartedness and a fun spirit, because even though this can feel like a very serious part of our lives, Dating should be fun.
Relationships should bring a lot of joy into your life. So if that’s [00:02:00] not the experience you’re having. Then it’s time to do a little slight shift so that your experiences start to feel a lot more lighthearted and joyous. Now. If you’re in a tough bind right now, when it comes to dating or in a brand new relationship or even your long-term relationship, and you don’t really know how to get yourself out of this funk. And you’ve tried talking to friends and family, and you’ve had friends review your dating profile, but for some reason, you’re just not having the success that you want to have with dating.
Then now is the time to work with somebody, whether it’s myself or our, some other form of support. There is no perfect time to start, but the time to start is when you recognize that things are not eventuated in your life, the way you want them to. And you’re not having the successes you want because.
Waiting another five years, 10 years is not going to help.
It’s really important to get the support in our lives and areas that, you know, we’re feeling a little stuck in whether that’s dating, whether it’s [00:03:00] relationships, whether it’s our finances, whether it’s our family dynamics, whether it’s our health right now is the best time to dip your toes in. So if you’re, you know, you’ve listened to some of my content before and you’re thinking, okay, maybe, maybe I want to give this Kimberly Chika go, please do that.
I’m not just a podcaster. I’m not just a person that puts content. Content on Instagram. W I do that to share information, to help people, but really what I do is I support men on a one-on-one basis to show up with confidence and clarity and have fun dating and attract amazing women that want to have loving, intimate relationships with you guys.
I want to help you with your communication skills. Want to help you with the intimacy. I want to help you with the play and the fun in your relationship. So if your past relationship. Didn’t work out for you in dating is not working out for you. Then now is the time to jump on a call. We start with a complimentary conversation, see for the right fit. And then we go on to have some great experiences and learn a lot of shit along the way.
Okay. Okay. So now is the time to kind of take that chance and find out how you can get the [00:04:00] support that you need so that you can start attracting the right types of women and just have those fun relationships that we all crave and that are super meaningful in our lives. Now. The three tips I’m talking about today, again, are really important, especially if you’re struggling in dating, especially if you’re new to dating after divorce or separation, because this is when we can feel like we have clarity, because we certainly are starting to understand what we don’t want, but that’s not enough.
We need to get the clarity on what we do want before we get out there and open up and be vulnerable and start the dating process. So the very first hip that is going to really significant. help you to attract the right type of relationship in your life. Guys is creating a vision. No, you don’t have to have a pink and purple vision board.
You can do that if you want to, but crafting a vision is. Understanding. You’re clear and compelling picture. Or idea of [00:05:00] what you want from a woman, from a relationship, what you want to experience in your future. Clarity is so important when you date and it’s not, again, like I said, a moment ago, it’s not the clarity of just what you don’t want. Because if you’re focusing on that a guarantee you’re going. To get more about it’s the clarity of focusing on what you do want, because if you don’t do that, how are you going to recognize it? It’s very, very easy.
You guys to get swept up by attractive women. To get swept up by chemistry. But if you are not clear, but what you really want in a relationship. Then you’re going to struggle to find it. So do you want stability? Do you want adventure? Do you want a lot more intimacy than you had in your past relationship? Sit down, spend the time to really create this list of qualities and value structures and experiences that you desire in a partner and in that [00:06:00] relationship.
So when you get out on that first or second date, and that woman says to you, what are you looking for? And you start saying, well, I really don’t want what I had before. No, you can tell her with confidence and clarity. What you’re expecting what you’re wanting, what you’re needing and what you’re searching for that confidence by the way, is very sexy.
It’s very attractive. Women are very drawn to men who have. Clear ideas of what they want and understand their standards. Now, this by no means is saying that you should have a mile long checklist and then become. Some perfectionist. No, of course not. But you do need to have a clear. Clear vision on what you want.
If you have a chance of finding it now, when you create that vision, it’s really also important to serve, visualizing that ideal day to day that you’re having. Are you just. Thinking about those. Disney style, romantic moments that you want to have with a woman, or are you actually being real and, and, and [00:07:00] recognizing that life is kind of made up of a lot of mundane moments.
So picture what this kind of day to day life looks like with this woman. Uh, how are you spending your weekends together? What kind of support do you give each other? When life is really rough? This is a big one. I just went through a cancer diagnosis and treatment, and my partner showed up for me better than I could’ve ever imagined for myself.
And I share this with you guys because. Great relationships are not built just upon the easy.
Experiences, they are built from the ones that challenge you. So picture what the day-to-day life looks like with this woman. What kind of support do you give each other during the tough times? The conflict times a difficult decision. This detailed vision will help you align. That vision you’re creating, but the mindset that needs to go [00:08:00] along with it.
So picture close your eyes or draw an image of what that looks like. What is it like when you wake up in the morning, guys, are you rushing out the door to work and working all day and then coming home to. Uh, kind of a nagging partner. I don’t think that’s your vision. Right. So what would it look like instead, visualize it, feel it in your body, right?
Craft this vision, feel it, look at it, examine it. You’re going to learn so much from this. And like I said, here is also feel the emotions visualizing is so much more than. Again, just pinning pictures up onto a board, or just like closing your eyes and dreaming about Angelina Jolie or whoever gets your feathers ruffled.
Right. It’s so much more than just a quick picture. It’s also about feeling the emotions associated with having that vision. It’s it’s about feeling the emotions of that. Love that. Contentment that safety, that [00:09:00] connection that you’re desiring from a relationship because I know all too well, you guys that you guys want emotional connection.
You want, you know, those meaningful physical moments with a partner. And I know it’s more than just about sex. Sex. I know it’s about that connection feeling loved and feeling desired. So what does it feel like to have that. The more you feel it. The more you have the vision, the more. Claire, do you have the more likely you are to attract it?
Okay. So you can do this through those vision boards, you can do it through journaling. You could do it through mindful meditation. You do it however you need to do it. Okay. But do it clarify what you want visualize your ideal day. Two day, feel the emotion. And then on top of it, cherry on top, let go of any of those unrealistic expectations.
When you craft your vision, I want you to think about a real vision, not fixate on perfection. You’re not going to find a woman who has no flaws. You’re not going to find a woman that doesn’t get mad at you from time to [00:10:00] time. You’re never going to find a woman that literally checks every single box on your list.
So don’t fixate on perfection. Be open to knowing what you want. And then allowing the universe to provide that sometimes in a way that might actually surprise you. This is step number one. It is so important. Do not date you guys without doing this. If you’re out of a divorce out of a separation and you’re out there dating, and you haven’t really done this exercise, you, my friend are spaghetti at the wall.
You were just throwing whatever out there and just seeing what sticks and I guarantee you I’ve worked with a lot of post-divorce men. They. Attract, what they think is the next great relationship. And then it goes up in flames because they didn’t have this clarity. So get your clarity. Okay. Do not skip this step.
Number two. Okay. Remove the barriers. Number two, remove the barriers that are going to trip you up. In your next [00:11:00] great relationship. Remove the barriers now. I could talk about this section for a really long time, but I’m going to give you succinct examples here. What, what do I mean by barriers? What do I mean by remove the barriers? Make sure you understand your strengths and weaknesses in dating and relationships.
If you don’t, they’re going to pop up at really in convenient times. Let’s say your communication. If you’re not very strong and communicating your needs and wants and desires, it might be okay in the beginning when you’re dating a woman. But at some point in time, you’re going to need to communicate your needs, wants, and desires.
And if you don’t know how, if you don’t have the scale, if you don’t have the right mindset, You will self sabotage your relationships. So create your own self-sabotage awareness because many of us are unknowingly, engaging in behaviors that actually ruin our chances of finding love. We are our [00:12:00] biggest allies, but also our own worst enemies guarantee you, I know because I used to do this myself and I recognize it in my clients.
And when we talk about this, they go. Yup. I know what I’m doing now. That’s stopping me from finding what I want to find. And that awareness is huge because when you have that awareness, you could actually do something Avaya about it. So. Are you kind of avoiding. Dating because you’re scared of getting hurt.
Are you. Distancing yourself from partners really quickly because you’re like, oh, I don’t want to deal with the rejection. Right. Are you, um, are you. Seeing your anxiety play out and dating where you kind of become this over text or over communicator. What are you doing that might be sabotaging your chance of finding a good relationship?
Are you love bombing women? Do you think like, Hey, because I’m divorced and I have kids like a, woman’s not going to love me or accept me. So now I’m buying her a bunch of stuff. I have a [00:13:00] client that was doing this, and if you’re watching this, you probably know who you are. Right. Are you doing extra things?
Not just because. It’s feeling good for you, but because you’re hoping for something back from that, be really mindful of the stuff you’re doing that will self-sabotage you. Okay. Other things that are going to be barriers to your success will be healing your past wounds. If you guys are dating after divorce, a long-term relationship, a separation, and you have not done your Coon by Oz. You have not telling your healing. You’re going to bring unresolved emotions and you’re going to project onto what could be really great women and great partners for you.
If you’re holding on to pain, if you’re holding onto resentment, if you’re holding onto fear. You’re going to block good love from entering your life. And what you’re going to do is attract the same type of relationship you had in the past. This is where therapy coaching, working with me, working with someone else you find is a good fit for you.
Doing good [00:14:00] self-reflection is going to help you process. Your emotions. And what that’s going to do is clear space for new relationships, so that when you go on a date with a new woman, And she. Sits down on the chair the same way your ex-wife did. You’re not going to get all weirdly triggered and start treating her.
Like you treated your ex. Fun little example there. Okay. Removing barriers means. Your mindset, attacking your mindset and how mindset work is something I do with so many of my clients and can not be fit into a YouTube video or a podcast. This is all about shifting the limited beliefs that you may have developed, and you very likely have that are going to prevent you from finding good, healthy love, such as I’m not good enough.
I’m not interesting enough women find me creepy. I’m too old. I’m too broke when they want more money. I’m not funny. I’m not charismatic. I could go on. On and on, because these are really common beliefs that you guys hold on to. Women have them [00:15:00] too on not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. I’m not whatever enough. It’s that I’m not enough feeling. And that will block your chances of healthy love. These negative thoughts, create forcefield barriers guys when it comes to attracting women.
So. Check your belief structure. I understand what your strengths are when it comes to dating and avoid the whole K this is a massive barrier. Avoid the whole. Everything has to happen in the perfect timing. Sometimes we convince ourselves that, you know, we’re just too busy to find the right partner or, um, it’s inconvenient to find them now.
So we use this as an excuse to avoid vulnerability, but as you guys know, love doesn’t happen at a perfect time. It happens usually when you least expect it. So stop thinking about that. There needs to be a perfect [00:16:00] time where you need to get perfectly ready, know that you’re working. Working on all of these things, definitely always be working. On them, right.
We’re going to be working on these things for our whole lives. But avoid this mentality of, okay. I have to do X, Y, Z, and then I’ll be ready. Forget it. Throw away this whole right. Timing trap. Okay. Tip number three. Do you like the pace I’m moving quicker for those of you that complain that I’m a bit of a. Blabber creating opportunities. So you’ve crafted a vision. You visualize it, you know what the feels like?
You’ve got this idea. Now you’re, you’re working on yourself, you’re removing the sludge and the shit that is going to hold you back from finding the type of woman that you ultimately want to have in your life. And I want you to have in your life. Then. You know, you don’t just sit on your couch at night and like pray great women coming to your door, you know, that that’s not going to happen.
So number three is getting out there and creating opportunities. Getting outside your comfort zone. I was talking to a client the other [00:17:00] day. About how to meet great women. And what we did was we zoomed out to 10,000 feet and we looked at, in any given average month of his life, where he goes and where he spends his time. And since he works from home and goes to the same gym, and that has an on-off schedule with kids, that is pretty much where he is spending all of his time.
And it’s no wonder he is not meeting new women because they’re not hanging out at his house while he’s working. And they’re not in the car when he’s driving his kids to and from, and he’s probably already exhausted what he feels are his options at the gym that he’s going at times that other women just aren’t showing up.
And so you need to create opportunities. Get outside your comfort zone. Go to new places, break up those routines. Go to a different grocery store. It’s even just simple little things like that, where the universe can then respond and provide you with new opportunities. Get outside your comfort zone guys, going to work and going to the gym is not [00:18:00] enough of a routine to attract your dream. Partner going to the gym and having a routine that is great.
It’s not enough to attract the right partner. You’re also going to want to leverage your social circles. Don’t estimate the power of friends and family that know people. It’s very much the six degrees of separation. So if you know a certain amount of people in your life and you times that by 10, that’s a lot more opportunity to create. Nu, uh, opportunities to meet great women that could be at social gatherings, barbecues, you know, holiday events, just get out there, leverage your social circles.
That’s what your social circles are for to build more social circle and to introduce you to new and great people. Then, of course, you’re going to want to master the whole dating app thing. And I have a course coming out right now that is going to literally change. The experiences of men online and is going to zoom into every granular detail you need to know about setting up a good dating profile. [00:19:00] To the 10,000 feet out mindset that you need to have when you’re using it, you need to understand how to use online, dating and ditch.
That self-limited belief that dating apps just don’t work for men like me. Okay. Then there’s also the mentality of saying yes. Sometimes creating great opportunities in your life and getting closer to that dream relationship is just about saying yes to some of the things you usually would say no to like an impromptu weekend trip or an invitation to a friend’s dinner party.
The more you say yes, the more you’re going to open the doors for new opportunities. Now this is not to say you want to overextend yourself or totally fill out your social calendar and burn yourself out. No, but you’re going to want to do a little more. Than you have been doing so that you create those new opportunities.
And then you’re going to focus on building authentic connections. And you’re going to start building that confidence in initiating conversations, which can be one of the most frightful [00:20:00] parts of meeting new attractive women is how do I start conversations? Well, if you’re just saying yes to more social things, you’re getting out there, you’re breaking up your routine.
You’re meeting new people. You’re going to have more and more of that practice of initiating conversations. It’s going to make you feel a lot more confident in yourself. And all of this guys is going to help you attract the most amazing woman in your life because you do deserve it. And there’s a woman out there that is waiting to meet a guy like you, especially a guy that is willing to listen to content like this, to. To improve his mindset to work on himself.
You are already miles ahead of other men. If you listen to this and actually take some action as a result of it. Okay. So those of you that are dating after divorce after long-term split, after. Uh, yeah. Separation or you’re dating for the first time. All of this content is so important. Create your vision. Right.
Remove those barriers. Get support. Come work with me. Get support with another [00:21:00] coach, take a different class. Make sure you’re doing your healing. Okay. Okay. Remove those barriers because you will be your biggest friend or biggest fall when it comes to dating is it’s very easy to blame the outside world and all the external situations that are happening to us, but it is really you, that has the master of your own destiny, right.
That is creating those opportunities. So. I hope this has been genuine, helpful, hope you’re taking notes, go back and watch it again. Send it to a guy that’s struggling dating, or maybe another buddy of yours just got divorced and say like, do let’s support each other to create this vision and help each other heal and, and create opportunities and go out and do more things that are just going to make you feel like you’re having fun in life. ’cause like golf.
I always use this analogy. Dating should be fun. Even if you have a first bad swing, you can start a new game on the next swing, silly little analogy there, but helps us to understand that even if we have one bad experience or one rejection, We can start [00:22:00] the game all over again, as long as we allow ourselves to do so and our mindset and that we keep on going.
So thank you very much for tuning into today’s episode guys. It is my joy and my pleasure to. Uh, to share and talk about this type of stuff, please consider booking a complimentary consultation with me. It is for men that are, you know, ready to move forward and take action in their lives. But we certainly get to know each other and make sure we are the right fit.
We don’t bite a love what I do. Uh, so definitely, you know, you know, dive. At first into getting support in this area of your life. If you’re finding that it is causing you some stress and I look forward to bringing you guys another episode next week, ciao.
