p>Welcome back to another episode of The Self-Confidence Project. In today’s video we’re diving into six common texting mistakes guys make when getting to know a woman they are interested in. These errors, which can cause a woman to lose interest or respond less, affect men of all ages. Learn how to avoid these common mistakes and text more confidently.
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Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. I’m your host, Kimberly. I’m a men’s life dating and relationship coach. And in today’s podcast video, I want to share with you six really common texting mistakes that you guys are making. When you get to know a woman you’re very invested in that are going to cause her to not respond or start responding less, or maybe just push her away. All together.
Now I want you to keep in mind that the six common texting mistakes, and I’m going to be sharing with you in today’s podcast. Video happen to men of all ages. These texting mistakes happen to guys that are new into the dating scene in their young twenties. It happens to men that are seasoned battle veterans getting out there, dating after their second divorce.
So I want you to keep in mind these things happen to almost everybody. They happen for a reason. They happen to women as. As well, and I want you to really be clear and mindful of these things so that you can just text a little more effectively, a little [00:01:00] more efficiently and actually have texting, be a great, comfortable method of communication that lands you, that next date, that great woman and that great relationship that ultimately is why you are here.
Listening to me in the first place now without. Much further ado. The very first common texting mistake that a lot of guys make is simply being a little too eager. And a little too needy now. Understandably, when you meet someone that you’re really interested in that you in fact, feel quite invested in. You might become an eager or needy texter.
Now I remember when I first went on a date with my partner, I was really into him. I was really excited by the end of the evening, and I wanted to hear from him all the time. And I wanted to send a messages all the time because my anxiety told me that I better hear from him, or I might lose him. So if you tend to be a bit of an anxious dater, You may also feel really strong emotions following a good date [00:02:00] or following a great connection that makes you want to behave a certain way.
Now, when we. Are behaving with really heightened emotions. We may not always be making the right choices. So if you’re a little too eager and needy, When it comes to texting this woman the next day, you want to text her every day. You feel you want to hear from her all the time, or you’re asking her out on that next date, like that next morning or that next day or each time you have a conversation on texts with her.
You’re trying to. Lock in that next meeting. Then a woman, who’s just getting to know you and sorting through her own feelings might actually be a little off put by this and might find that you’re a little needy and in fact, a little anxious and those things usually turn good women off. So make sure guys that you calm your emotions before you pick up your phone to text a woman. Right.
Ask yourself, am I texting her? Because I feel [00:03:00] anxious that I want to walk something in, or am I texting her because I’m feeling calm right now. And just want to check in with this wonderful person that I’m getting to know if it is the latter. Go ahead and send that message. But if you’re finding that you’re really anxious and trying to reach out to her because you’re looking for some kind of validation or certainty. Or you’re looking for her to calm an easier emotions.
Then maybe you need to put the phone down and give yourself a little bit of space, because what I really want you guys to think about is focusing on quality over quantity when it comes to. Texting text with purpose. And please remember to give her time and space to respond without crowding her phone or her. In mocks.
Okay. Reminder here, guys that despite the excitement and the eagerness, and maybe the great connection that you are forming with this woman, the truth is you do not know enough about her to be certain about her. So don’t get too ahead of [00:04:00] yourself and have that show up and how you are texting her. Secondly. A little bit different from the first one, but guys tend to send some of those generic, boring messages, time and time again. The messages that I’m talking about here are, Hey. How are you?
How’s your day? Nothing wrong by the way, with sending those messages. But if you send those messages repeatedly, They begin to paint a picture that maybe you’re a little bit uninteresting or in fact, maybe you’re a little bit lazy. So what I want you to think about instead of checking in at the same time with this woman every day and sending the same message saying, Hey, how are you?
And maybe you’ve told yourself, well, I don’t want to put a lot of pressure on her. So I’m just checking in to see how she’s doing. I get that. That’s fine. But if you’re doing this time and time again, She might be going well, there’s not a whole lot to talk about. I don’t want to really give this guy updates and how my work day is going.
What you want [00:05:00] to do is start engaging, asking her engaging questions based on things she’s actually mentioned before to you on your date, or has been demonstrated in her online dating profile. Or maybe even go ahead, instead of asking how her day is. I share something intriguing and interesting that happened in your day.
That’s going to invite conversation. Maybe it’s something playful. Maybe it’s an anecdote. Maybe you did something in a meeting that day at work and it made you think of her. Those are the kinds of texts, messages that are going to intrigue her into that conversation versus, Hey, how are you? Have a wonderful day, right?
So make sure there’s a little excitement, a little, uh, versatility when it comes to messaging these women and make sure you do it at different times of the day. So you don’t become a little predictable and routine. Now third error that a lot of guys make is simply over texting. Now, this is different from the eagerness.
What I’m talking about here is when. You send a message to a woman that maybe looks a little bit more [00:06:00] like an essay. Ah, well, that’s putting a lot of pressure on the person that’s supposed to respond to you, which can actually lead a woman to withdraw, because if you’re sending a text to her, that includes multiple different questions in it.
She may feel overwhelmed and just choose not to respond all together. So I really want you to think about. Getting to know her communication style, matching her texting pace and really keeping this balance between how much do you text? Versus how much you actually spend getting to know each other off those little devices. I want you guys to keep a balance between being available and actually giving a woman room to miss you.
Don’t send huge, long texting paragraphs and certainly do not need to check in with her. Every day or three times a day, or however many times you’re thinking about her. You certainly don’t need to send a message each and every time [00:07:00] that will overwhelm even the best of women. Now, how about the common error that a lot of guys make, where they push to get a little too sexual too soon? Now, even if you’ve been on a date with this woman, It was incredibly flirtatious.
It was fun. You had a good connection. You maybe you even. Have slept together or you’ve, you know, gone to third base or whatever it has been where you’ve done, you know, a. You’ve had a romantic interaction with this woman. Don’t allow your text messages to get too sexual too early. Okay. Because if you’ve already been romantic with her and then the focus of your conversation is again on that romantic interaction, she’s going to see you as a one dimensional man, the man that is interested in her for that reason, and that reason only. Or if you haven’t been intimate yet, but your conversation is pushing to be too sexual too soon.
It’s probably going to make her feel really uncomfortable and she’s going to lose interest and lose respect for you. So [00:08:00] it’s really hard to balance this one guys, but you do want to keep conversations, light and flirty. And you want to allow those sexual tensions to build a naturally over time. If you push for it too soon, you push her away.
Or if you reference it too much, you push her away. Now I know it’s frustrating because you guys do have a lot of the burden of how to navigate dating on your shoulders, but really just think about balance as being key too much. Not good, not enough, also not good. So keep that balance going with women now, a common error that guys make with texting. Is actually just failing to move the conversation forward.
Now, this has happened to a lot of guys, especially when they’re texting with women on the dating app before they’ve actually got to that first date. But it exists once. You’ve actually gotten her number as well, which is getting stuck in endless small talk. If that is happening to you, the conversation can really quickly lose momentum.
So understand. We [00:09:00] need to transition from, uh, some of the small talk and getting to know one another and actually asking her out. Okay, so this is, this is something that you’re going to learn maybe through a little bit of trial and error guys, but I definitely want you to keep in mind that if you match with a woman online, And you don’t know anything about her and you go asking her out, you’re going to get a no. And if you start talking with her and talk with her endlessly for days and days and days without asking her out, you’re going to get a no. So go back to what I originally talked about, which is having that good balance. I get to know or have a bit of small talk. Then change the subject, tell her you want to get to know her in person.
And that’s when you want to ask her out. Now, if you’ve already been out on a date and you’re texting a little bit back and forth, definitely remind yourself that texting is a great way to miscommunicate what you want and misinterpret what someone feels. So you really want to think about that. Quality over quantity.
Texting is not the best form of [00:10:00] communication for really deeply getting to know somebody. And it certainly is not where we want to spend our time having kind of surface level, small talk. So make sure if you’re having some of that and you notice, Hey, we’re not really saying anything here to ask a more engaging question, uh, and move the conversation into an area that gets a woman wanting to invest in you.
That gets her feeling good. Having that conversation with you. And lastly guys, the six most common texting mistake that a lot of men make is over analyzing and then trying to play the game themselves. So if you’re noticing that a woman hasn’t responded as fast as you wanted her to, or you thought she would, and then you decide, okay, well now she’s responded.
I’m just going to ignore that message for a few hours, or I’m just going to, I’m going to not respond to her for a few days because you know, that’s what she did to me. As soon as you get into game playing, you’re absolutely on a fast track to all of this totally [00:11:00] backfiring, because now you are not genuine.
You are not showing her the, the side of you that she really wants to get to know. Um, and honestly that stuff comes out very, uh, very obviously in our text messages. So while you do not need to feel the pressure to respond to a woman immediately, you do want to respond in a timely manner because it does show that you’re interested.
It shows that you’re attentive. And if you’re not getting that from her, then you’re going to want to watch my other video. Uh, talks about whether a woman is actually just hanging out with you because she likes the attention and validation, or if she’s actually wanting to get to know you because she sees potential with you.
So do not make the mistake of trying to insert the game yourself, or play the game yourself by delaying responses or, you know, doing what you think you need to do to kind of keep her on her toes. This stuff usually backfires for you guys. All the time because you’re not being genuine and it’s really hard to, you [00:12:00] know, have a genuine relationship when you’re behaving. In a disingenuous way.
So don’t overanalyze, don’t delay your responses because you think, Hey, I’m going to give her one back. Um, that’s just creating an energy. That’s really going to disconnect you in this woman. So, uh, make sure that you respond timely. Uh, but also have really good boundaries with your own use of phones and with your own use of dating apps and things like that, because it can quickly get overwhelming for you as well.
So, Guys focus on setting up real life interactions versus, you know, endlessly texting each other. Because again, texting is not the best method to communicate and get to know somebody. Get her on a date instead, make sure you’re authentic in your conversations. You’re not repeating or talking about the same things over and over again.
You want to avoid overthinking every single text, right? And make sure that when you are texting, you’re doing so from a place of calm versus heightened emotions. Now, if a woman doesn’t respond to you, please guys do not stress [00:13:00] out. Just move forward. Focus on other connections rather than dwelling on a single text thread, rehashing it, going it over and over and over again.
Wondering what you did wrong. Wrong. When in fact it takes two to tango and two to have a good relationship. So make sure, um, that, you know, if a woman isn’t responding or something has happened where that connection has been lost, that you don’t give up on dating, that you realize that with the right woman and the right person. That things do flow a lot nicer and a lot more easily.
Thanks guys for tuning into today’s podcast video, let me know your thoughts. Uh, below on really? What has caused the most anxiety and frustrations for you with texting? What kind of behaviors you have seen on texting these days? I’m sure there are some wild stories out there. Uh, and please share this with someone who needs to hear this advice.
Look forward to bringing you guys another episode and another podcast video next week. Ciao
