Welcome back to another episode of The Self-Confidence Project. I’m filming from the sunny tip of the Baja as I share my top five tips for men dating in 2025, especially those reentering the dating scene post-divorce or after a long-term relationship. These nuanced tips aim to help you navigate modern dating with confidence and clarity. If you’re seeking support in your dating journey, I would be more than happy to help. Happy New Year!
Here’s the transcript:
Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. I’m your host, Kimberly, and you can see that I’m in filming this week and last week’s video from the sunny sunny tip of the Baja. I’m very lucky to be down here for some family time before Christmas. So for those of you that are celebrating or just finished celebrating yesterday, obviously a happy bladed Merry Christmas.
So though you happy holiday, we’ve got new year’s coming up here. So it’s my wish that you are spending time with someone that you love, whether that is your children. And your partner or your family, and if you are single and dating and looking for that special somebody, then you’re definitely going to want to stay tuned because I’m going to be sharing with you.
Five must know tips for dating in 2025. Now this is in particular for men that are dating again after divorce. Uh, separation or coming back into the dating market after the end of a long-term relationship. So things are just feeling really overwhelming and dating has changed now. Um, before I dive in to share these five Moschino [00:01:00] tips, and some of them are not things that you generally are going to hear from other coaches.
He’s, you’re a little bit more nuanced tips that I really want you guys to think about when you are entering into the dating scene. In 2025. Now, if you don’t know, I am a dating and relationship coach for men is what I do full time. Uh, and so if you are looking for support, especially coming into the new year, Uh, to date, you’re not really sure how to navigate online dating apps.
You know, the way we are communicating now between men and women has changed. So drastically. If you’re feeling a little unsure on how to navigate some of your conversations, or you honestly are just not attracting the right types of partner into your life, where you’re literally just going, I don’t even know where to start.
Um, then I’d be more than happy to support you. At least have initial conversation with you to see if we’re a good fit. And if coaching is the right modality to get you to where you want to be, which hopefully is in a loving. Deeply. You know, physical, emotionally connected relationship with a woman of your dreams.
That is my hope. And my mission for everybody out there is to have deeply loving, unhealthy [00:02:00] relationships. Now. Obviously navigating the dating world post divorce or after a long-term relationship is not just about getting back out there. It’s actually a lot about reshaping your mindset and how you approach dating, how you approach women today and how you even think about yourself.
So what I want to share with you are five kind of thought provoking, slightly nuanced tips to help you reenter the dating scene with a lot of confidence and clarity. Now, the first thing you guys. I absolutely need to know if you’re going to be dating in two. 2025. Is how can you understand the role of AI in dating? This matters because dating apps are evolving.
They’re constantly changing. The dating app platforms are becoming smarter. And they’re going to begin using AI to suggest matches for you. Um, hopefully right. It’s the dating apps intention to improve compatibility and improve matching, although a lot. People are pretty dissatisfied for how, from how [00:03:00] those algorithms are currently working. And here’s the truth. Dating apps or even going to, you know, auto suggest what you can say to people are going to be helping you along the conversational path when you match with somebody online. And to be honest, while this technology can feel helpful at times. It’s also really important to ensure that it’s not going to replace your authenticity or that you no longer think about what you want or need or desire how to have a conversation.
And now you’re starting to rely on an AI robot to do the conversing for you. It might be tempting if you’re a little out of practice. But honestly, What are you going to be feeling when you actually get on a first date with somebody and realize that you just had a back and forth conversation with your AI app and maybe her AI op right.
It’s just going to feel so inauthentic. It’s going to feel so yucky. At least that’s how I feel. I don’t know. Maybe you’d be happy about it, but I really think we need to be mindful of the role of AI in dating. Because truth be told it can [00:04:00] help you create what feels like a polished. Conversation or it can give you ideas for conversation starters. But we know that real connection. Comes from vulnerability and it comes from. Effort.
And it comes from you knowing yourself. So guys, if you begin to rely too much on AI generated suggestions, or you are using it as a tool to, um, you know, just get you out of tough situations and you’re starting to lose your own critical thinking skills. Um, I don’t know if this is going to serve you very well.
It might give you some quick wins in the beginning, but when it comes actually maintaining and forming a deep, loving relationship, you need to be able to have strong conversation. You need to be able to keep a woman’s attention on your dates. Um, I don’t know, at what point in our future, we’re going to be having, you know, a little earpiece where, you know, that’s going to do all the thinking and talking for you, but it would be a sad day when that day actually comes around.
So guys, I really want you to think about. How you were dating, what role is AI [00:05:00] playing in that? And we know whether you’re using it to kind of help you out. Out a little bit, or you’re starting to rely on it too much that it’s taking, uh, Taking place of your authenticity and your vulnerability. So. For example, you know, dating out prompts are not going to be tailored to you and your unique journey through life.
So sometimes it’s going to suggest things for you that feel good, such as you see a woman’s profile. And she, you know, she enjoys hiking, right? So. The dating app. AI is going to give you an idea of saying something along the lines of, Hey, I noticed that you love hiking. What’s your favorite trail now?
Sure. You could say that it’s pretty generic, but does that sound like you? Is that something that you would say, and can you learn to take it further than what an AI prompt is going to tell you? And, you know, give it a little more contacts and say like, Hey, I’m really curious. I see that you were into hiking.
Well, so do I, you know what I like prefer mountain trails, you know? Especially ones that have like little hidden lakes at the end. [00:06:00] This is something that’s very common in Vancouver, which is where I’m getting this idea from. So. I want you guys to think about how you can potentially be using AI to help you get started. But make sure you’re not using it as a replacement for who you are.
Um, And that your actual personality is shining through. Otherwise what’s going to happen as conversation might be great on a dating app or might feel great on a dating app. And that is just not going to translate into real life. Now, the last thing you want to find out is that you put a lot of time and effort into building a connection with a woman, for example, Who then shows up on the date and is drastically different than the woman you were talking to online because she was lazy and used AI to have a conversation with you. Oh God where this world is going with artificial intelligence, but please figure out how to use it in a way that feels morally.
Prudent for [00:07:00] you, right? That’s all I’m saying here now. Secondly, I want you guys to be thinking about, all right. If you’re dating in 2025, then. You probably need to understand and figure out what your dating triggers are. Now what I mean by this is. If you get really frustrated. Okay. As a man you’re on there putting a lot of time and effort into building. Building conversations with women or to create a great profile and. And, and then you have a really authentic response to one of her dating app prompts. And she says nothing to you, or you feel like you’ve been ghosted or the conversation has a bit of a volley back and forth, and then it absolutely dries up.
Right. Does that trigger you? Okay. I want you to be aware of what your emotional triggers are. So does ghosting. Make you feel really frustrated and upset or does receiving short responses from women really trigger you because you think, you know, this, woman’s putting zero effort into this conversation and dating it’s so frustrating and so hard, and you start to find yourself getting angry or elevated levels of cortisol, right? [00:08:00]
Or how about if you have really mismatched communication styles or you’re talking to a woman and you just can’t seem to actually get to the date? Cause she always has a reason why she can’t meet you. What are the things particularly for you that trigger you or create a really visceral emotional response?
Okay. So this is going to bring up feelings of rejection for you or insecurity for you or frustrations that are likely tied to past relationships. Not, not in all cases, but sometimes our emotional triggers. Are really tied to our past relationship experiences now. For example, if a woman doesn’t resp. Respond to your tax for hours, right? Instead of spiraling into worry and frustration.
I really want you to learn how to reframe things, especially in 2025 mean dating is not getting less complicated. It is getting more complicated, but doesn’t mean that we want to give up and not search for our special somebody in this crazy world. [00:09:00] Right. So you want to understand that if something like a delayed response, you know, makes you spiral into worry. I want you to learn how you can reframe this and start telling yourself that, you know, their response time is reflecting who they are and their pace. Not my worth, right?
So I want to focus on something that I enjoy until they reply, because there are a lot of guys out there. Women included that kind of nervously and anxiously wait for a response, thinking that. A quick response means they’re interested and engaged in a slow response. Just has to mean something. Else.
Right. It’s very cognitive bias, uh, cognitive distortion. It’s very black and white type of thinking. And that’s not going to do you any favors when it comes to dating. So what I want you to do instead, It start to track some of your emotional responses when you’re out there dating. Now, if you feel frustration, you feel anxiety, especially during dating online conversations.
Really want you to pause and ask yourself. You know, am I actually really reacting to this person? Or am I [00:10:00] reacting to my past or a set of beliefs that I have about dating. Now, if you actually want to take this even further to gain a lot of emotional awareness, which is such an important skill that we all need, especially in dating with all the frustrations, right?
You can take it further by writing these things down. Um, and this is also going to give you insight men into some of the patterns you might have with women and dating. Once you can really accurately understand what your triggers are, especially with women, especially with dating out, especially with dating, you can begin to approach dating a lot more objectively. You’re going to like remove yourself from some of the sharp Emotions that can take place. Um, and that is just going to help you move through dating and move through these experiences. With a lot more calm, a lot more resilience, and maybe you can even begin. Having fun when you’re out there dating, because that is what we should be experiencing.
It really should be something that’s [00:11:00] enjoyable and a privilege to get to know so many different people potentially, you know, at the tip of your fingers. Right. So, you know, if you’re not having fun at all dating, and you’re finding that, you know, each thing that a woman does is triggering you. Um, you may need to take a break.
You may need to step away. You may need to understand your emotional reactions, um, because bringing that energy into dating won’t do you any favors, and it’s not gonna attract the right type of woman into your life now. Third piece of advice. Third tip. I want you to take into 2025 guys. I want you to date outside what you think your usual typist on purpose.
Okay. So. Our type, this whole idea of the type can often be rooted in old patterns that probably just didn’t serve you well in your previous relationship, which is usually why we end up single. And we say to ourselves, why do I keep having the same relationship experiences over and over again? At least I told myself that or asked myself that question and I know many people do.
And that’s because [00:12:00] what we believe our type two B can be actually rooted in these old patterns that don’t really serve us. Now, if you start to date. Women that have different interests or different communication styles. It can actually help you break some of these subconscious cycles that you have now.
I really want you to think about how can you choose. Um, you know, a woman. Or choose one particular quality that you normally gravitate towards, right? Maybe that’s a sense of humor. Maybe it’s physical appearance, right? Maybe it’s a certain level of career success that you look for. And deliberately date women who do not embody that.
A little bit of a thought experiment for you, right?
For instance, if you have always gravitated towards dating extroverted women, right. Because you’re a little more. Introverted and a little more calm, a little more chill, right. And you always gravitate to a woman who’s like very boisterous and, you know, very kind of sometimes even [00:13:00] loud in certain social situations.
I want you to consider. Maybe slightly shy or more introverted women. This is going to K Y right? What’s the point of this, right? This is going to force you to see. The connection with this woman beyond what you believe is superficial compatibility. She’s actually what happened when I found my current partner, as I started to break away from what I thought, my type was, I had a very idealized vision of what my. Uh, physical. Body physical attraction was to a particular person and even what their profession was.
And that’s what I was typically was attracted to. And then I started to date outside of what I thought my type was. And that’s where I found my truest connection, because I was able to focus on. The connection that I have with this person, not. This list of things that I thought was going to make me happy.
In fact, it didn’t make me happy. [00:14:00] Right. Happiness came from me, understanding who I was and then dating someone and focusing on the beautiful connection that we had and turns out that person is radically good looking to me and everything like that. So I want you guys to really think about how can you date outside what you believe your usual type is?
Man. I know so many of you are particularly looking for women that are really into physical fitness that really look after their bodies. And I’m not saying, you know, you’re going to go the total opposite of that. But you might have this picture in your mind. Like one of my former clients.
I don’t know if you’re picking up that noise, but there’s a truck driving by a water truck. Uh, of all things in Mexico. Now, one of my clients really wanted to date a woman who is particularly adept at skiing because he loves skiing. And his list of what he was looking for was so particular that he was having trouble connecting with any woman at all.
And that’s because he believed his type to be almost a carbon copy of himself. And so he wasn’t finding that. But when we started to broaden the [00:15:00] horizon of the characteristics that he’d be looking for, and actually sometimes even look for women that maybe weren’t adept at skiing, But we’re open-minded, he then started finding that he was connecting with more women and really enjoying that experience because he wasn’t pigeonholing himself into what he believed his perceived type was guys, this. Really matters.
This keeps people so stuck when it comes to dating because we disregard people that could be amazing fit for us. Because we think that our perfect partner exists in this particular definition that we created in our minds. Right. So, um, the fourth thing I want you guys to think about and really. I understand that when it comes to dating in 2025, this is going to be part and parcel of almost everybody’s dating experience. Is to just get comfortable with playful rejection, right. Rejection Sox.
Nobody wants it. We don’t sign up to go date so that we can get rejected, but it’s an inevitable part of modern dating, especially when we have access to meeting people [00:16:00] the way that we do today. So I want you to think about how you can shift. Uh, your view of rejection, because this is going to help you stay open and stay resilient when you inevitably face that.
And most of you will. Right? So what I want you to think about doing is. View rejection as a playful interaction, rather than a personal attack. Now this is harder for some people to do than others, depending on what your life experience has been. You know what your experience with rejection has been up until this point. But I want you to think about it as a playful interaction, rather than some personal attack towards you.
When someone doesn’t. Reciprocate. Your interest. Right. I want you to reframe it with humor while not everyone has great taste. Right. Right. If a, if I was eating again and there was a man that I met on a dating app and he was like, actually, I know what, I don’t want to go out with you. Well either I could just sit there, feeling really bought, heard about it, or I could be like, dude, here’s LA. This is a great package over here and just move [00:17:00] on to another person that is going to reflect how I feel about myself, which is that I am a great catch. And that’s how I want you guys to think about it because not everybody is going to be right for you and you’re not going to be right for everybody.
So the lighter that you can be about rejection, the easier it becomes to. Just spring forward with confidence and to have fun. With dating, right? You want to have fun with dating. So the truth is I have a lot of clients that, you know, when they meet women, they think, you know, things are going really well.
And then, then they realize, you know, what? The conversation isn’t that exciting. And you know what, we’re not as compatible as I thought we were when I first saw her profile picture. And so they’re actually getting used to doing a bit of the rejecting themselves. And the reality is, you know, you’re not going to be right for everybody and everyone’s not going to be right for you.
So if you know that you own it, you can reflect a bit of that rejection with positivity and playfulness. Then you quickly move on from people that are not the right match for you. And you can focus your time and energy on someone who. [00:18:00] Is now the last thing I want to share with you guys, as you get into 2025, and date is two. Now, this is, especially for men that are dating again.
After divorce separation, long-term relationship is ended. Right guys. I want you to think about micro-commitments. And not big promises. Okay. This matters because the temptation, especially for men that have been in relationships for a long time, the temptation is to get back to what felt comfortable, which isn’t always where you want to be.
Now, if you were married to somebody for 20 years, there’s a lot of comfort in being with someone in living with somebody. So it was very tempting to meet a woman, you think, okay, she’s got some great qualities. I’m just going to, you know, Propose to her. I’m going to get married a second time, or I’m going to ask her to move in with me, or I’m going to move my whole life to. B where she is living.
Cause she’s a stayed away from me. Well guys jumping too quickly into a serious relationship, especially after divorce. Probably will lead you to [00:19:00] repeat past mistakes. And overlook red flags. Now I have other videos where I talk about red flags. I have a lot of videos where I talk about breaking patterns of. You know, repeating past mistakes, guys, just make some micro-commitments you like a woman make a micro-commitment you want to see her more?
Make a micro-commitment you want to spend time with her? You want to go on a holiday, make a micro-commitment you don’t need to make big promises because you know what. Divorce rates are pretty high for the first divorce. They’re even higher for the second one. Why? Because people rush right into what they have before and realize I actually don’t really know what I want and I don’t really know how to fix some of the errors in my prior relationship.
And oh, this woman just felt, felt so different. I just thought. You know what this grand gesture and romance feels so amazing, but in reality, You just want to focus on, micro-commitments not big promises, not big grand gestures all the time. So instead of focusing on finding the one, can we please start thinking in smaller terms?
Okay. Commitment, [00:20:00] commitment, or committing to one, engaging conversation. One fun date, one great shared experience at a time is so much nicer. It means you can really relax and focus on the present moment and the connection that is truly forming between you and this woman versus. Already like trying to picture your whole life’s together. That’s a lot.
That’s a lot of pressure this whole, the one I need to find my soulmate. Is kind of an outdated notion because firstly there’s so much pressure. And who the heck is the one and what the heck is a soulmate? I mean, honestly, I don’t know, because I feel like I’ve had a lot of different soulmates in my lifetime and maybe you are going to be lucky and you can have a lot of different soulmates in your lifetime.
I mean, there’s a lot of women out there that you in particular could be compatible with, not just one woman in a planet of 8 billion people. Right. That seems like pretty. Low chance of actually finding the one. So instead I want you to commit to just [00:21:00] one conversation, one fun date, one fun share experience.
And this is going to prevent you from rushing into something, just to fill a void, a loneliness void. Right. A quiet echoing in your house void, right? You’re not just going to commit to somebody. Because you’re lonely. That is not the right motivation to welcome someone into your life. So again, this will take the pressure off. Uh, early connections.
And you can just focus on getting to know somebody, one conversation, one date, one shared experience at a time versus thinking, is this the one right? You don’t know? Right. You just don’t know enough to be certain about somebody when you’ve only just met them and gone on a few dates. So don’t. Create and plan an entire life around someone you hardly even know.
So guys, for example, suggest a coffee, a short activity, see what the initial chemistry is like, then dive into dinner then into weekend plans on a weekend away, then friends and family and all those things. Right. [00:22:00] One experience at a time will serve you well in 2025. So guys reentering the dating world is not just about adapting to. Modern dating trends.
It’s really about learning to redefine yourself in a way that is going to serve your growth. So I want you to embrace the process. This is an opportunity to evolve into a better version of yourself, not just to find someone as quickly as possible. Now, dating after divorce is honestly a chance to meet. Um, not only a few new people, but new versions of yourself as well.
So I want you to think about how are you going to interact with, you know, AI, um, you know, how do you want to be using this? I know, are you relying on it too much? How, you know, how do you see yourself when you’re dating and what triggers you understand what’s going on there? Make sure you’re not just, you know, creating a small list of who you think you’re compatible with.
And in fact, exploring and dating sometimes outside what you think your type is on. On purpose. So you can [00:23:00] focus on a connection, right? I can’t do this with my hands. Get comfortable. With playful rejection, because you’re going to face some of it and that’s okay. It’s part and parcel of the process.
Um, and honestly guys, just little tiny micro commitments, no huge grand gestures or big promises that get you into a wave of highs and lows of emotion. Okay, these are some of my best thought provoking ideas and advice and tips for you. As we round this corner into 2025, there’s a lot to contend with here, but I want you guys to have great dating experiences to feel so good about yourself in the process to really never stop learning about yourself.
And I don’t care if you’re 40, 50, 60 in your seventies, even older, listening to my content, you can continue to grow. You can continue to learn. About yourself. This is a job that is never done. So take dating as an opportunity to learn about some great women and also learn about yourself in the process.
Now, [00:24:00] if you were interested in working with myself, I will be taking applications for 2025. So, um, 2025 January tends to explode with people wanting to set new intentions. And get themselves set up for success, especially with dating and self-growth. So if you were interested, you resonate with me, resonate with my content. Uh, please welcome.
I welcome you to book a complimentary call with me. See if we are the right fit to work together. If not, I can point you in some great directions. Maybe leave you with some great value after our initial call. Anyway, so thank you very much. Happy new year to everybody. Uh, please leave your comments below and what you thought of this video. And look forward to bringing you another one, um, shortly in the new year.
Okay.
