In this episode, I’m sharing a comprehensive guide on effective flirting techniques for men. I’ll be addressing common misconceptions about flirting, outlining key elements such as playfulness, confident communication, and body language, and introducing techniques like the playful opener and push-pull dynamics. Additionally, I’ll share tips on how to recover smoothly when flirting goes awry. The video emphasizes fun, natural, and confident interactions to help men build genuine connections with women.
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Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Most men flirt all wrong and it is genuinely killing your chances of connecting with amazing women. But if you master some simple flirting techniques, you are instantly going to stand out. Now today’s video is actually more like a free mini course for you on flirting. And I promise by the end of this video, You’re going to know exactly how to flirt naturally.
Confidently, no awkwardness, no cringe. Because one of the things I’m also going to be sharing with you in today’s video is how to recover when flirting goes a little sideways. And that’s honestly what separates men that are great at flirting from men that are really not so great at it. because as soon as you run into a little bit of a shift in energy or awkwardness, it’s like you totally view it as a failure and you [00:01:00] give up.
And that’s when you can be left on a date with this like weird, awkward feeling because you didn’t know how to recover. So you’re going to want to stay tuned because not only am I going to teach you what is flirting, Why it works and how you can do it and some advanced flirting techniques. But I’m also going to share with you how to just naturally recover when flirting doesn’t land perfectly.
Now whether you are older and dating after a divorce and you’re recognizing maybe I need to shake up my communication skills and have a little fun with women. Or you’re brand new to dating, literally just dating your first couple of dates, your first time. And you’re thinking, I need some material to experiment with.
This video is going to cover all of that for you. Now before I dive into this free course on flirting, I am Kimberly Hill. I am a dating and relationship coach for men. I’ve been doing this for many years now, and it is my mission to support good hearted men get into deeply [00:02:00] loving relationships. And have fun while doing it.
And that is my dog, Ginny, sitting in the sun down below here. Now, firstly, what the heck is flirting? Well, flirting is a very playful, engaging style of communication that ultimately has one goal to build attraction. It is about creating genuine tension and excitement In a conversation and flirting is not, by the way, being overly sexual and it is not about trying too hard.
It is ultimately all about having F U N. It’s about having fun when you have fun with women. They feel connection to you and having fun and being able to flirt successfully is going to be a huge sign of social intelligence. And a woman is just going to naturally feel more comfortable and confident with you when you feel like you can take the lead in conversation and make the conversation [00:03:00] enjoyable for her.
Now, some common flirting misconceptions that let’s just clear the air with, First is that flirting means you have to be super confident. No, it doesn’t. You don’t need to be super, super confident. Flirting can be subtle and it can be very light hearted. Okay. Flirting is just about words. It’s not just about words.
It’s another common misconception. You don’t have to be a wizard in terms of everything you think of saying all the time, your body language and tone of voice. And that’s 80 percent of our communication is through our body language. Now, another misconception about flirting is that if she, your date, the woman you’re with, doesn’t respond immediately, you failed.
That is not true. Flirting is about creating a dynamic. It is not about instant results. So [00:04:00] get that thought out of your head because if you are expecting instant results, you are not going to have the experience you want to have. Flirting is about creating a dynamic and an ebb and a flow and a tone and a spirit over a period of time.
You don’t just say one flirty thing once. And then everything just magically works out for you. Okay. So I wanted to just get those misconceptions out of the way so that we can dive into the key elements of flirting. Now four kind of key elements of flirting. I want you guys to think about or even just take notes and write these things down because it will help your retention today.
Number one, playfulness. Okay. Number one is playfulness. Keeping things light hearted. Do not take yourself too seriously. You take yourself too seriously, you suck all the fun out of it. And flirting is all about fun. So playfulness is one of the key elements. Secondly, confidence in [00:05:00] terms of speaking clearly, using strong eye contact and owning your words.
There is a very big difference between saying something. And saying something and owning what you say and we’ll share some examples later in this video. Third element is body language. If you’re going to have fun in conversation, you can’t be just totally closed off to the world and like presenting an energy of awkwardness and insecurity.
Body language is so important guys. So you need to stand tall. You’re going to lean in slightly. When you’re talking, you’ll smile, you’ll mirror her energy. And if you don’t know what mirroring is, go watch my first video I did on flirting. I don’t even know what it was like over a year ago. And I talk about mirroring in that video.
This is. Even more specific content from that flirting video that did quite well on YouTube. Now, the fourth key element here is the teasing, the [00:06:00] banter. Okay? Not everybody is naturally good at this, but you’re going to be able to practice flirting because you’re also going to learn how to recover from when things go a little sideways.
Now this is what creates that playful back and forth dynamic. Which is hugely important to create fun because fun is something that is shared between two people on a date, right? You can’t just be having fun all on your own or she’s having fun all on her own. This is a shared experience. So the fourth element is going to include the teasing and the banter.
Now good versus bad flirting guys. Good flirting includes the smiling, Right. The leaning in slightly and the super playful tone. So tone is really important guys. If you’re not very good at delivering a tone that changes from like, I’m telling you something really serious to I’m telling you something quite humorous, then literally go into the mirror and.
Practice changing your tone around. This is going to serve you [00:07:00] really well on dates. It’s going to serve you really well in business and friendships is really practicing what’s called your delivery. So good flirting has good delivery. Here’s an example. So guys, do you always steal the best seats in the cafe or just today?
Like there’s this tone of lightheartedness and a bit of cheekiness coming out. Bad flirting is monotone and really has a lack of energy and just kind of focuses on generic questions like the weather is really nice today. So what do you do? Right? There’s so much seriousness and like, it’s so blasé. And this is something that a little bit of practice in the mirror will help you refine.
What, say one question and then try saying it in two different types of tonality. So you could ask that first question I asked you. So tell me, do you always steal the [00:08:00] best seat in the cafe? And I want you to say that line in the mirror. And practice different fluctuations in your tones, your intonation, right?
Tell me, do you always steal the best seat in the cafe? Tell me, do you always steal the best seat in the cafe? Tell me, do you always steal the best seat in the cafe? These land so drastically differently. So make sure you’re aware of how you sound. Now, maybe you even want to just practice recording your own voice and listening to it back to get a sense of what is your delivery like, right?
Good flirting versus. Not so good at flirting has a real different tone, more so than even the words you choose to say. So guys, if you have any comments about maybe awkward flirting experiences that you’ve had, drop them in the comments and share with everyone. So we can all just have a fun laugh lightheartedness about how this stuff doesn’t always work or land perfectly for everybody.
Now. So what I want to talk about is [00:09:00] the right way to flirt. I’m going to break it down for you into some techniques you can even think about and conceive of because there are different ways to flirt here. So if you have that pen and paper, guys, you’re going to want to write this down. Now, the first technique is what’s called the playful opener, which is just starting a conversation with something really fun and unexpected.
The playful opener is about starting a conversation with something Fun and unexpected. Okay. So I’m going to share some example lines here. You look like you have a secret talent. Spill it. Like if I was just on a date with a really cute guy and, uh, I wanted to be flirty with him, I’d be like, yeah, there’s something, there’s something about you.
Spill it. Spill the beans. What’s your secret? What’s your story? Tell me who you really are. And it’s my tone and playfulness that is probably even more important than what I am saying. Okay. You look like you have a secret talent. Spill it. You [00:10:00] definitely seem like a trouble, but the good kind. Or you might say something like, you have such a mischievous smile.
What are. You hiding. See, even slowing down the words and being playful with the words makes flirting so much more fun. Be honest though, guys. Are you always this charming with everybody or am I just special? Think about how you were delivering these messages because you guys can literally Google a list of flirty things to say But doesn’t mean you’re going to be good at flirting because what you probably need to be practicing is the playful spirit behind your delivery.
This is something that you can’t just learn from a video. You need to actually go deliberately practice. You guys look like you have such a secret talent. Spill it. Right? So your tone, your intonation, play with the speed of how you speak. Because usually [00:11:00] slow is a little more deliberate and confident and intriguing.
And mysterious. So slow your words down. This is the playful opener. Now there’s also the push and the pull technique. Now this is teasing a girl while showing interest. Okay. Teasing her while showing interest. Now teasing is something that exists on a scale, which is why shortly after we’re going to talk about how to recover if you mess up here, but you need to learn to experiment, right?
So an example line of how you can tease while showing interest, it’s like, well, you are pretty cool, but I am still deciding if we can even be friends. Now, if you said that in a serious tone, she’s going to mistake it for something serious and perhaps even be offended by it. You’re kind of cool, but I don’t even know if we should be friends yet.
It’s like, what the F? No, you’re kind of cool. But I’m still deciding [00:12:00] if we can be friends. There’s a cheekiness behind it. That means your words are being delivered with the air of flirtation and playfulness versus the seriousness. This makes a huge difference here, guys. And where a lot of guys kind of get into trouble is you lean too serious.
And a woman misinterprets it and goes like, This guy is kind of an ass. Right? So you don’t want to be misinterpreted. Practice your tone. I really like your vibe, but let’s see if you can keep up. It’s the competitive, playful spirit, which kind of draws people in to a fun, lighthearted competition, right?
How about, well, I was going to buy you a drink, but I need to make sure that you have fully earned it first. And some women aren’t going to like this one. And some are going to see this as an invitation into being Playful, right? Well, you might be my new favorite person, but got a rubber arm or I’m [00:13:00] easily swayed.
So remember this is the push pull technique. This is teasing a woman while showing interest. Okay. Now everybody has a different tolerance on teasing and playfulness, which is why you want to experiment. And one of the kind of rules of thumb I want you guys to think about is when it comes to teasing women, when it’s inflirtation.
Don’t tease a woman about something she can’t change about herself. Put this as a rule. Don’t change a woman. Don’t tease a woman about something she can’t change about herself, like her face or her body. Or her family or whatever it might be, you go and tease these things. There’s nothing she can do about it and it usually ends up landing as an insult, but you want to tease her about something that can be changed, like how she’s showing up on the date, or you might tease her [00:14:00] about whether you’re not sure about her yet.
This is a really different kind of teasing than being like, you’re kind of cool, but I don’t really like your face. Like, you know what I mean? Like some people just can’t think of the content here. So really just, you know, rule of thumb is to never tease somebody about something they can’t change about themselves.
Cause that’s just usually an insult versus lightly teasing. So again, back to the examples here about the push pull technique is, you know, you might be the absolute one for me. But I’m still undecided. It’s like a little bit of push, a little bit of pull. She’s not really sure where she stands, but she knows that you are interested.
Now there’s also escalation and light touch, which is all about subtle touches on her body that reinforce the attraction. Now examples here guys are when you are joking and teasing with her, you might just lightly tap her arm when you are both [00:15:00] Laughing together is a really safe form of touch when you’re already in a shared, positive, mutual experience, such as laughing together.
Or you might even just do a playful high five followed by holding onto her hand for just that extra. It’s like that lingered extra one, not too long, just that one extra second of touch. Or you might even just notice that she has like a piece of lint on her jacket or on her sleeve and you just notice it and you kind of just brush it off her while you’re smiling.
It’s encouraging touch, but there’s a purpose to it. And it’s like, you’re kind of grooming and taking care of her, right? Or you just lightly touch. her back as you guide her through a crowded area, such as a restaurant or a bar, or even a gym if you guys are having a workout date together. So these are appropriate ways to include the escalation and light touch without it being overtly [00:16:00] sexual or force, because sometimes guys are like, okay, I know that I need to touch her at some point on the date.
So like out of the blue you touch her. And usually women are going, well, that’s strange. Why are you doing that? I’m feeling uncomfortable. So it’s important that the escalation and light touch has a purpose and an intent and is happening in a positive shared experience. So think about that when you’re both laughing or when you’re both on your way to sit down somewhere, it’s appropriate to touch her versus when you are across from each other.
Um, and then you’re at the dinner table and you’re part way through hearing her tell a story and you just randomly touch her leg. There’s appropriate times to include escalation and light touches. And so a rule of thumb here is during a shared positive experience or, um, experimental, um, um, Or experiential as in you’re both doing something together, right?
You’re guiding her, which is why you see the movie scenes of the guy teaching the girl how to golf and now he’s appropriately touching her because he’s showing her [00:17:00] how to hold the club. And so there’s a shared positive experience that is leading to why you are touching each other in the first place.
Okay. So try some of those today. Uh, and comment how it works and how it lands. Now I promised to get to the flirting recovery section. So what can you do if you actually mess up a little bit? Now common ways that we mess up when we’re flirting is that we are coming off a little too strong or a little too forced, right?
Or we are trying a little bit too hard to be funny. So I had a client that would kind of go sarcastic joke after sarcastic joke after flirting, after flirting, after flirting. And what happened was There was no real ebb and flow between the teasing and the flirtation and the actual building of genuine connection.
So remember, flirting is not something you do consistently or constantly through the whole date with a woman. It’s something that happens here and there to create fun and playfulness in the conversation. So try Um, to make [00:18:00] sure you’re not trying too hard to be funny or flirtatious all the time. And then another common flirting mistake, guys, is over complicating the interaction.
Okay? So how can you recover? Well, sometimes the best way to recover is just by acknowledging. That you’ve gone in the bad direction. It’s light hearted acknowledgment. So an example thing that you could say here is like, you notice that you said a comment or you teased her or you were trying to flirt and it didn’t really land or you got a little bit of that radio silence or you got like a kind of somewhat offended look from her, then just apologize by saying something like, yeah, I totally know that joke didn’t land or hit like a lead balloon.
Let’s just pretend that never happened. Right? It’s just this lighthearted recovery. So being good at flirting and building connection with women means you’re also quick on your feet to recover when things aren’t going so well. [00:19:00] Now the difference here is that sometimes people go like, Oh no, I messed up one time and one mess up means the whole thing is ruined.
That’s, that’s not the case. You know when you buy a pack of blueberries from the grocery store and one of them is rotten, you throw it out and then you wash the rest and keep moving on. Right? This is the same thing in flirting and in conversation. One little tiny hiccup or mess up doesn’t mean the entire date or interaction is blown or over.
You just need to get better at recovering. And that means you could say and acknowledge, Oh yeah, sorry, that didn’t land super well. Let’s just pretend that never happened. Or, yep, that was probably my worst attempt at being funny. Can we please rewind? Let’s just Just, you know, tell me something fun about yourself.
So these are recovery lines, guys, that acknowledge that maybe things didn’t land so perfectly, but you’re still okay with figuring out how to deviate and move on from it. Okay? You can also practice doing a smooth [00:20:00] transition. So if a joke or a light tease genuinely falls flat, Then it’s okay to like, you don’t need to try and figure out how to recover and fix it in the moment.
You can actually just shift the conversation of something more engaging. So you might have teased her or said something that didn’t land really well and you go, well, yeah. Anyways, so what’s something you’re really into these days and you just transition to another topic so that you’re not. Okay. Now let’s talk a little bit about some advanced flirting techniques.
So once you’ve got some of those other techniques down, you’ve been, you began practicing those on your dates, you’re working on your tone and delivery and the mirror, which is a huge thing. Then some of the advanced flirting techniques are holding deep eye contact. Now that’s, that’s a trick, right? And what happens is, When you notice somebody and you have a bit of that sexual chemistry and sexual tension, you [00:21:00] tend to hold eye contact for just a little bit longer.
Now, obviously what’s really important is when you break that eye contact, you do it with a smirk or a little smile and that’s what creates intrigue. So it’s like, you kind of like lost in that days and then they might catch you and you’re like, You smirk and you look away. It’s the smirk that allows them, it’s almost like the smirk is saying, yeah, you caught me looking at you because you’re gorgeous and beautiful and I’m attracted to you versus if you don’t smirk and you get caught in that eye contact and then you just look away.
It’s like, what the heck were you doing? Like what was your intention there? So with the little smile or the little smirk. Inserts the playfulness into the deep eye contact. Now a lot of people just will tell you hold deep eye contact and then you might go do that and be like, Well, I feel really murderous out [00:22:00] here because I’m looking and then I’m like trying not to be caught looking.
The advanced flirting technique is that you are looking, that you are caught looking and that you’re confident that you’re caught. And so you smirk before you look away. And it’s a smirk that says, yeah, you caught me, but how could you not? You’re so gorgeous, right? So that’s a bit more of an advanced flirting technique.
Now there’s also the inside joke hack, which is a little more of an advanced flirting technique, which is finding small details about your date and turning them into a running joke. So here’s something super common, right? They like Taylor Swift music, or she likes pineapple on her pizza, which I do, but maybe you think that’s disgusting.
And so what you do Is you turn that little small detail into a running joke and you might say like, Oh man, like if you like pineapple and pizza, like I don’t know if I can trust you now. Obviously it really has nothing [00:23:00] to do with deep trust, but you’re being playful because you might notice a difference in your preferences or like, Oh wow, so you’re a Swifty fan.
Hey, well. I don’t know. I don’t know if we’re going to get along anymore. Again, the tone and delivery is so important because you say that seriously, she’s going to take offense and then you’re going to have to recover from that. So the inside joke hack is something I do all the time. It’s something I would do even with.
Friends that are men where you want to be flirty and have some fun. You run with these little small details. Um, and you know, you turn them into running jokes. You might even reference it a few times in your evening where you’re like, I don’t know, you know, pineapple on pizza. Yeah, just, I’m still, I’m still recovering from that breach and trust.
Right. So you’re having some fun with it. Now, another advanced techniques guys is called the playful challenges. Okay. You’re challenging somebody. So sometimes it’s fun to have a [00:24:00] little competitive spirit on a date. Nothing obviously too serious, like we’re debating who’s better because someone makes more money than the other person.
No, no, no. Like you might just have this playful challenge of like, Alright, let’s settle this. What is the actual superior breakfast food? Okay. I am fully undecided. Is it pancakes or waffles or pop tarts or scrambled eggs? And in fact, this is something that my partner and I did on our very first date before I knew it was called a playful challenge, which was settling how to make the perfect gin and tonic.
Okay. It was like, is it with lime? Is it with lemon? Is it with ice? Is it without ice? Is it with fever tree tonic or whatever other tonic? And it was a playful, competition over what is the best cocktail. And it’s not a serious competition. It’s not something that’s really going to create a deal breaker or a non negotiable.
It’s something fun to debate and be playful with. Even if you actually agree with how she [00:25:00] makes a drink or the superior breakfast food, you can still have a little fun by disagreeing. Even if that’s not how you truly feel. That’s just called bringing in the spirit of playfulness and flirtation into your conversation.
So if I had to guess, you are either a karaoke champion or you never sing at all. Which one is it? What is this playful spirit that we’re just drawing out of somebody? Okay, so This is how to flirt guys. I’ve shared some techniques with you, how to recover when it doesn’t go well. And really one of the most important takeaways is to focus on the delivery, focus on whether it is.
Feeling playful, whether you’re really present in the moment. And remember that flirting is something you dabble in here and there in your conversation. You do not need to focus on trying to [00:26:00] flirt the entire time with a woman because then she is going to not take you a very seriously. So here is your end of video, end of mini course challenge.
Which one of these techniques do you like? And go try using it in the next 24 hours and then come back to this video and let me know how it went and whether or not you also needed to figure out how to recover from this. Okay. This is how to flirt guys. So I hope you really enjoyed this video. There’s ultimately this mini course on flirting.
Drop your comments below, share it. with the world so we can all become better flirters and become more playful in our conversations. Whether you’re dating after a divorce and need to just inject some fun and playfulness into your conversation, or you’re watching this because you’re not even sure how to talk on a first date, then these are some helpful tips for you guys to up your flirting game while still focusing on having fun and genuine interactions and connections with women.
Thanks very much. See you guys all next week. Ciao.
