Welcome back to another episode of The Self-Confidence Project! Today we’re diving into understanding the difference between red flags and minor issues in dating. Modern dating can be overwhelming, and it’s important to distinguish when to walk away from a toxic relationship and when to address minor, solvable problems. I’ll be sharing practical examples to help you feel more secure, confident, and less overthinking in your dating journey. Stay tuned, hit the bell for notifications, and book a complimentary call if you’re serious about finding your dream relationship.
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Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. I’m your host, Kimberly, and you know what we’re going to be talking about today. We are going to be talking about guys. When you need to walk away from a woman, you are dating because there are glaring red flags. And when in fact you might just be coming up against some minor issues in dating.
Now here’s the thing modern dating is. Very overwhelming. It’s very complicated. The demands of men and women and dating, and the technology that we use to date now has just caused everyone to kind of have a little bit of a bad experience. And there’s a lot of overthinking that takes place when you’re getting to know somebody new.
So in today’s video, honestly, I just want to cuddle all the fluff and help you guys understand what’s actually a red flag. And when you need to walk away from someone who isn’t going to. Respect you or support you or have the relationship that you’re truly desiring. And when minor issues are arising that are definitely solvable problems.
I want this video to [00:01:00] help you guys. You know, overthink a whole lot less. And just feel a lot more secure and calm and confident going through the dating process. So stay tuned all the way to the end. So you understand the red flags, I’m going to give you practical examples. And of course, when it comes to minor issues, I want you to understand what are practical examples of this as well.
Now, before I dive into today’s YouTube video, firstly, this channel has been growing. It’s really amazing and exciting, and I love putting out longer form content for you guys here. If you don’t already know. You can check me out over on Instagram. I dabble on tech talk to. Uh, and I, of course I have the audio version of all of these videos now on my podcast, my podcast, however, I’ve been running for about five years now.
So there’s a lot of gold and great episodes. If you haven’t listened to the earlier episodes, they are still relevant and can be really helpful to you guys out there dating today. Now, of course, thank you for being here and you haven’t already subscribe, hit the bell and all those fun things that you don’t miss out on my even weekly videos now. If you are watching this channel.
Okay. [00:02:00] And you are dating after divorce, you consider yourself a successful educated man. Right, but you’re, you’re back into this modern dating pool after maybe coming out of a 5, 7, 10, 15, 20, 25 year. Marriage and you’re going, wow. Dating is not what I thought it was going to be. I’m actually running into a lot of challenges and frustrations or I’m feeling like I’m really burnt out or jaded and I’m not attracting the right types of women.
Uh, then I really encourage you guys to book a complimentary call with me. We talk about your dating strategy. Maybe working with a coach is going to be a good fit for you. There’s lots of other places to get support, but if you’re very serious about cutting through the fluff and understanding how you can attract your. Our dream relationship and not end up in a relationship that, you know, hurt you like your past one.
Then I invite you to jump on a call with me. I still have some spots for new clients between now and the end of the year. And then things get crazy as everybody wants to set their sight on dating and new intentions [00:03:00] come 2025. So. If you don’t already know, that is what I do. I coach men on a one-on-one basis.
So, uh, check out the link to book a call, fill out the application form. You’ll see the calendar and then we’ll meet on zoom. You’ll be talking to me in no time. Okay. So what the heck is the difference between red flags and minor issues? Well, that’s the first thing I want to address here now, red flags of course are behaviors. These are patterns that indicate. A deeper often unresolved issue that can significantly impact your relationship, your relationship dynamic. Red flags, right?
When you come across a true red fly, it’s often going to suggest that you and this person are incompatible, or if you continue to pursue them, then welcome aboard toxicity in your relationship. Right. It would just something you obviously aren’t craving and don’t want to have. And of course, if you’re noticing glaring red flags, it’s going to be really harmful to your relationship dynamic further down the road.
It can actually really hurt [00:04:00] yourself. Esteem can have a lot of knock on and negative impacts. As we know our romantic relationships. Can be the most rewarding and fulfilling relationships we have, they can add years to our lives or they can take years away from our lives. Okay. So red flags are usually reasons for you guys to actually reconsider the relationship or an opportunity to set very, very clear. Boundaries red flags, serious stuff, right?
Minor issues. Well, minor issues are just going to be things like corks. Or preferences that while potentially irritating to you. Right. They actually don’t pose a real threat to the health or the future of your relationship. Now, these minor issues tend to be, uh, things that you can actually resolve through communication.
If you’re good at communication, if you know how to bring up irritations and frustrations without just pointing fingers and criticizing, right? And these things can be resolved through [00:05:00] compromise. So minor issues are not a reason to throw your toys in the air and burn the whole ship down. But red flags probably are.
So let’s unpack some actual common red flags and dating. I’m going to give you an example and then a quick explanation. Okay. A red flag. If you’re out there dating super attractive women, however, she has this real lack of accountability. Or she’s really good at blame shifting. Okay. So if she frequently blames other people, including you, by the way, not just other people, but you for her own mistakes. Or she really struggles to take responsibility for her own actions. For example, if this is a woman that constantly complains about how everybody at work is just against her. Without any self-reflection.
Then this is going to be [00:06:00] indicating a victim mentality, which is probably going to create a lot of difficulties resolving conflicts later, since she is really hardwired to blame everybody else and not herself. So, if you notice that you’re dating a woman who lacks accountability and likes to place the blame on everybody else, you’ve been warmed warned.
I am raising the red flag. Okay. Second red flag guys is emotional instability or otherwise known as excessive mood swings. Okay. Dumped. . So if you’re dating a woman and she also leads between really highly affectionate with you. And then really extremely cold without clear reasons why she’s high and then low. This can be a sign of emotional instability now. Consistent unexplained mood swings are going to lead to a very unpredictable and [00:07:00] a very high stress relationship that is going to be emotionally draining.
When you come home from work, you do not know if she is up or down or left or right, or what state you’re going to come home to, to this woman who is actually emotionally. Unstable or has mood swings. Red flag. Don’t really need to get an actual red flag here. Okay. Third, one controlling behavior or excessive jealousy, not a good vibe or lock.
Now the woman you were dating. Wants to check your phone, she’s questioning all your friendships or she’s really anxious about everything that you do then. Glaring red flag guys, right? Excessive jealousy. Like maybe in the beginning, you’re like, oh, this is nice. Like she’s really into me. No, it often stems from insecurity and it can lead to really controlling behaviors and it can, it will just completely stifle the independence and trust that you have in your relationship.
Now, trust commitment are the foundational elements of any [00:08:00] relationship. So if you’re noticing a woman who is consistently controlling or really, really jealous, Uh, we’re red flag. Get the heck out of Dodge guys. Okay. Now what about disrespect for boundaries? Okay. If a woman, you are a dating disregards, or just minimizes your personal boundaries, which could be physical, emotional friendship wise, whatever it is. Um, and she’s insisting on, for example, maybe you have a boundary that, you know, you need a little bit of time alone.
Okay. Which is totally fair. You need a little time to decompress from your week, from your month, whatever it might be. But she insists on spending time with you, despite your clear request and desire for some alone time or she pries into your sensitive, personal matters right before you’re actually ready for stuff like that.
Then honestly, this is just a woman who is showing a lack of respect for you and your autonomy. This is not going to be a good relationship, right. [00:09:00] Bright red fly right now. What about inconsistent communication or things like ghosting patterns? So if a woman often just goes, I just had a client that had this issue.
So if a woman that goes silent for days on you, and then just rears her head, like reappearing into your life without any explanation or apology for kind of just going radio silent on you. Then honestly, what is this indicating guys? It’s a lack of respect. For consistent communication. She cares more about whatever’s going on in her life and how her actions or inactions are impacting you and your feelings.
Now, these are going to become very frustrating patterns for you. And suggest that this woman is probably not emotionally available for committed relationships. So just had a client that was trying to get to know a woman and this exact thing was happening. And I said to him, look. If she’s not displaying consistent behavior, it’s a really high likelihood.
She just doesn’t know what she wants. She’s probably not ready for a relationship now. You know, he, you know, wanted to give it a [00:10:00] try anyways, and a month later he realizes, yeah, she doesn’t respect me. There’s inconsistent communication. My efforts are going on. Notice. She’s just not that into me. Um, you know, sometimes we have to learn our lessons the hard way, but in this case, if there’s inconsistent communication, Ghosting patterns where these women disappear and then kind of reappear, no explanation, no apology. Guys move on and big red flag right now.
Of course, this is an obvious one. This comes up in every single red flag video that you know is on the history of the internet. And that’s of course, if you’re noticing poor treatment of other people are really good indicator of that is service staff when you’re out dining at a nice establishment or restaurant.
So if this woman is rude, she’s dismissive to the wait staff. She’s belittles people. Uh, she’s got. You know the sense of superiority. She’s probably the woman that’s going to have a lot of contempt and care relationship. Right? This can actually reveal that she has a lack of empathy, a lack of respect. Um, and now how she treats people is a real telltale [00:11:00] sign of her characters and her value.
And guess what? How she’s going to treat you when you do something that she perceives is a mess up. Frickin banner red flag, right? Get out of Dodge. Now last red flag here, guys. And this one, sometimes isn’t as obvious to spot, but you know, you’ll definitely be feeling this one in your body is when she disregards your feelings or has a dismissive attitude.
Now. I’ve been like this in the past because sometimes, and like I’m, I’m no perfect human being, right. This is the Mo this was my red flag was when my partners had strong emotions. I was like, I don’t know what to do. I was like, Dexter. The serial killer is sitting there like, oh, I don’t know how to respond to your emotions, but certainly I know how I want you to respond to mine.
This was a huge growth opportunity for me to understand how to be more compassionate to the person I love and to be less hard on them. And. So that was a really good growth opportunity for me. Now, if there’s a woman out there that [00:12:00] isn’t on a growth journey, uh, and just disregards your feelings. Or belittles your feelings.
And this shows a lack of emotional respect. And honestly, guys, over time, this is going to lead to you feeling very invalidated, very under appreciated, and you’re going to have an empty bucket of emotional needs, right? They’re not going to be fulfilled in this relationship. So again, big banner red flag here.
These are seven really important red flags. These are going to indicate. In compatibility in your relationship. And honestly, all of these things just lead to emotional immaturity, lack of respect. If you want to be in a healthy, loving relationship, it can’t have these pieces going on, checked in it. Now guys, if you’re out there dating, but there’s a couple little annoyances going on.
Well, that’s very different, right? It’s. Pretty common that when you’re out there getting to know another individual that they are going to be raised with a different set of beliefs are going to have different likes [00:13:00] and opinions on certain things from you. But that doesn’t mean it’s a red flag. You do not want to date a carbon copy of yourself.
How boring would that be? So you are going to want to date someone that, you know, might have minor differences such as the very first example here. If you’re dating a woman who has a different. Taste in music or movies or hobbies, big categorization here. She might love. Comedy films. Well, you like horror movies or you might like Saifai and she likes those awful Christmas rom coms.
Like you might have just very vastly different tastes and that might frustrate you and bother you sometimes because you’re thinking I truly want online and do this thing that I liked, but she doesn’t like doing that. These are things that can be solved and worked through in your relationship. They are not red flags, right?
Or let’s say she’s really into yoga. Well, you really like running well, you. Do you want to have a relationship with someone or do you want to have a running buddy? Right. Sometimes the [00:14:00] expectations of what we are wanting from our relationship. Um, are, are not always going to take place so different tastes are completely normal.
They can actually even add diversity to the relationship. When I first met my partner, his hobbies were really different than mine. And now because I showed an interest in the things he, he does, I love to shoot my bow and arrow. I love to cross country ski, thanks to him. And thanks to me. He loves to go golfing.
So we got each other into different hobbies and that added a lot of variety and spice and fun and experience to our relationship. So this can actually really be a good thing. Now, as long as there is mutual respect for each other’s interests. Then it’s a minor issue. I have a client that I’m working with right now who was talking about an ex partner that he had that really hated.
Well, firstly, he’s a meat eater and he likes to hunt and she’s a vegan. Pretty fundamental value difference there. So she didn’t respect that he liked to go out hunting and that became a contemptuous issue for them. That is not a minor [00:15:00] issue. That is a big issue in a relationship because there needs to be mutual respect for each other’s interests in order for it to be a minor issue.
Okay. What about things like. Occasional tardiness or like a bit of poor time management. Right. Usually there’s a person in the relationship. That’s a great planner, really organized, and the other person’s usual, a little more chaotic, right? So sometimes the woman you’re going to date, maybe she’s the more chaotic wine.
Maybe she’s late for dates due to traffic or a busy schedule, or she kind of slips up and forgets things from time to time. While I understand for a lot of us, things like punctuality is really important. You know, occasional lateness doesn’t always indicate a lack of respect or, or lack of commitment, especially if you notice that she’s genuinely. Making an effort and is considerate about your time. Not everyone has perfect time management guy.
Sometimes, you know, people make mistakes. Now this is going to be a minor issue as long as again, there’s that consideration for your time? Okay. Now what [00:16:00] about differences? In texting. And this is a big one, right? Maybe you’re like, I, I don’t know. You you’re, if you’re a guy watching this, you’re probably more stereotypic.
Like, I don’t really like texting that much. Um, or maybe you like texting, I don’t know. I don’t know what your vibe is, but let’s say she texts less frequently or isn’t as expressive on messages as you are. And now you’re overthinking all of this. You’re thinking, oh my God, what does it mean? And I’m making, making all these stories up in my head.
Well, texting preferences can vary because let’s, let’s be honest that. It is not, it should not be our primary means of communication, but for some reason it is right. So texting preferences can vary. And this usually is not a red flag guys, especially if she’s really great communicating openly in person.
So instead of seeing this as a problem, try actually discussing with her your preferred communication style. When I met my partner, I really liked. Um, I actually just, I liked texting, but I liked just picking up the phone and calling him. [00:17:00] Huge source of anxiety for him. He would tell me like when his phone and bring, you would get like shutters, because that’s just how he is.
It’s not shutters that I was calling him. Probably a lot of nervousness in the early days. Holy shit. This girl I like is calling me. What do I get to say? When I answered the phone? You don’t haven’t pre-rehearsed all of this. Um, but he didn’t really like phone calls, so he preferred texting. And so we talked about it and now we do all of it because you know, so many years have gone by, but we discussed it.
We figured it out. We worked through it. Right. So, what about things like financial habits that differ from yours? I have a client right now that is going through a lot of stress and emotion because he has different financial habits from his partner. Um, and you know, he’s trying to figure out how to work through that now. No stress here, right?
Like, no. No stress, but financial differences are one of the eight most common areas of relational conflict. So just get good at having conversations about money, because you’re going to need to, at some point now let’s say this woman that you’re dating [00:18:00] really loves spending money that she earns, or that you earn, depending on your situation on experiences.
She likes to travel. She wants go to hotels. She wants to. She wants to spend it. She wants to live the life. Right. I have a friend like that. She comes into money. The money goes out, but maybe you’re a little more financially conservative or prudent. So, you know, it’s going to be a point of contention in your relationship.
What was it? A red flag? No, not necessarily. As long as she’s responsible and transparent about her spending, then this is a minor difference is she’s hiding her, spending lying about her spending. Now K, now we’re into different territory here. But as long as you have open communication about your financial goals, And you’re spending what you like to spend money on. Then you can usually address these kinds of differences guys.
So we don’t want minor issues to be reasons why we think, Hey, this person does not perfect. I’m I’m, you know, I’m getting out of Dodge here right now. What about some differences between your personality? We got the lovely introverts over [00:19:00] here. Believe it or not. We got the lovely extroverts over there.
We have the ambiverts the people that are a little bit of both. So let’s say the woman that you’re getting to know just loves social events, but you’re like, eh, that’s kind of like my old version of me. I like quiet nights. Right? So different social energies are going to be very common in relationships.
And of course, compromise can usually make this work right. You could agree to attend an event sometimes, and then she can agree to have some quiet evenings at home with you some other times, and then sometimes you’ll do your thing alone. And sometimes she’ll go out on her own. And as long as you guys work through it, it’s not a big deal or doesn’t have to be. Right.
What about minor disagreements, minor disagreements about politics or worldviews? I had a client that I work with when I am reading his dating profile. Very specifically said the woman that he was dating had to share the exact same political view as him. And I was like, wow, that’s you’re, you know, you’re [00:20:00] really limiting. The type of woman you can be in a relationship with.
Um, because well, if you’re not willing to budge here have open-minded conversation, you might be losing out on a really great woman who maybe could learn from your point of view and maybe you’ll learn from her point of view. So. If you are dating someone or getting to know someone that has a slightly different view on certain topics. But the operative word here, but is respectful of yours, nonetheless. Then this can actually lead to great healthy conversations and a lot of growth.
So minor ideological differences are really common in relationships. But mutual respect is how you can handle bond. Guys. We just got through a massive pandemic. Why did a lot of couples breakout during the pandemic? Because they didn’t have respect for each other’s differing views. And they took that as a sign of this person.
Doesn’t think exactly like me. I don’t respect that I’m out of there. Well, you know, how much luck are you going to have in relationships? If you go through relationships with such a rigid. View [00:21:00] of things now there’s times for that. And there’s times to be open-minded. And the last thing I want to talk about here, that can be a minor difference.
Okay. As fashion or aesthetic preferences, right? Maybe the woman you’re dating prefers. To decorate the house a certain way or to dress certain way. Uh, and you, I don’t know, maybe she’s like more like homemaker style, a little more casual, and you’re like, you know, your nine to five and a suit and tie, and you’re a little more polished and you think, okay, well we’re not really driving here.
Or I had a client actually here in Vancouver. That wanted to take a woman. He was dating to a really upscale event, but he was like, I don’t know, like if like her style is going to fit in and everything there. So, you know, and these are things that you guys just need to, you know, sit down and have a conversation about.
So as long as, again, this all comes down to as long as there is respect for your preferences and you have respect for her preferences, then these differences are minor. They do not impact the foundation of a relationship. And if [00:22:00] you’re dating, then you should be expecting. that there are going to be minor differences between the two of you, because the last thing you guys want is to date your self, right?
And if you do well, that’s a whole other video topic and conversation. So guys, red flags indicate threat to a healthy relationship. If you notice a bunch of those, honestly, get out of Dodge, maybe you are the glaring red flag, and you need to work on some of these things yourself to be able to get into the healthy relationship you so desire now, of course, Minor issues are just going to be generally small, manageable differences.
They don’t affect the core of the relationship. And they can be worked through. If you know how to communicate well. So when in doubt, check for patterns, guys, if behavior is consistent and causes you a lot of discomfort, it’s probably leaning towards a red flag. If it’s occasional, it’s easily address, it’s likely a minor issue.
I hope this has been really clear and concise and really helpful for you guys to understand if you’re dating and it’s a red [00:23:00] flag or you’re dating, and it’s a minor issue. Uh, and honestly, I appreciate all the love comments below on this channel. Keep it coming. It makes me happy. Please send this to somebody that you know, probably needs to hear, uh, today’s video content and topic. And again, guys, if you are educated, successful dating again, after divorce dating is not feeling good, you’re overthinking it.
Self-doubt is creeping in. Then I encourage you to click the link below book, a complimentary call with me. We’ll talk about your dating strategy. See if I can support you so that you can find your best relationship yet. Talk next week.
