Welcome back to another episode of The Self-Confidence Project. Today, we’re diving into the science of sexual polarity and maintaining attraction over time. We’ll explore what sexual polarity is, why it’s crucial for sustaining attraction, and how to recognize and maintain it. I’ll share tips on how men can tap into their masculine energy and encourage feminine energy in their partners to keep the relationship dynamic and exciting. If you’ve ever felt like your relationship has plateaued or turned into a roommate situation, this episode is for you.
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Kimberly
Here’s the transcript
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the self confidence project. Today we are diving into what is called the science of sexual polarity. Now, what the heck does that even mean? What I’m going to be talking to you about is how attraction can be kept alive. Not just when you’re first getting to know a woman.
But once you’ve actually found a woman that you’re really connected to, how to keep your attraction alive throughout your relationship, so you don’t actually peak when you’re dating, and then how everything else feel like it’s an absolute downhill race to becoming roommates or friends that live together.
Or people that just don’t touch each other anymore. So what I’m really going to be unpacking today is the science of what is sexual polarity. I’m going to be defining it for you guys, because if you have ever been in a relationship where the passion just Disappears and things feel like you are living with your roommate rather than your lover or the woman that you’re really passionate about Then there is a [00:01:00] reason for that guys and it comes down to something called sexual polarity So I’m going to define what polarity is why it is crucial for attraction.
We’re going to talk about how you can recognize when your polarity with a woman is I’m going to talk about how you can maintain this polarity to keep the relationship dynamic, exciting. And I’m also going to share with you handsome men out there, how you can identify if a woman that you’re dating is actually tapped into her feminine energy.
Which is one of the halves of polarity, masculine, feminine energy. So, I am diving in because so many of you have said that I’m really long winded in my intro. So let’s just get to it, guys. We don’t have time to waste when it comes to sexual attraction. Now, what is sexual polarity? It is this magnetic pull between two opposing energies.
Masculine energy, feminine energy. Now this isn’t about gender. Okay. That’s a [00:02:00] longer conversation, right? This is about men and women both have within them masculine and feminine energies. And these energies can shift based on the context you’re in. Now, relationships are going to thrive. Attraction is going to thrive guys when there is a strong polarity.
One partner embodies the masculine energy, Most of the times it’s men, right? And the other partner embodies the feminine energy. Most of the times it’s women. Now you can have this opposite with men and women. Okay. Because it’s not about gender, but really what’s important is that you have polarity that you have opposite energies.
So imagine just two magnets, right? If both are positive or both are negative, they’re going to repel each other, but opposite charges attract. Now the [00:03:00] same thing happens in your relationships. So why is this sexual polarity So essential for attraction. Why can’t two people who have kind of naturally similar energies be really attracted to one another?
And here’s the thing. This polarity is going to create the excitement, the tension and the chemistry that is so important for Sexual attraction. Now, when a man is really deeply into his masculine energy and by the way, typical energies or masculine traits are going to be a man that is leading a man that is providing structure in a relationship, a man that is demonstrating confidence.
These natural masculine energies will naturally draw out a woman’s feminine energy, which is playfulness. Softness, [00:04:00] receptivity. One person leads, the other follows. Like when you are dancing, a lot of my clients take dance classes. Now imagine if every time you danced with a female partner, she was trying to lead the dance.
You’re like, what are you doing woman? I’m leading. You need to follow. This is how the dance is structured. And this is why a dance becomes beautiful because one person is leading. The other is following. Now imagine in a relationship, you’re always fighting for who’s leading. You’re, or maybe you’re both just trying to follow each other.
Well, goodbye, sexual attraction, because then you end up on the couch and everyone’s saying, well, what show do you want to watch? Well, what show do you want to watch? Well, what do you want to order for dinner? Well, what do you want to order for dinner? Because nobody’s just making a decision. Nobody is a natural leader in that relationship.
And you probably know that scenario quite well. Most of us do. So this is why women out there that are dating are going to say to you guys, they want a man that makes them feel. Safe, or they want a [00:05:00] man who takes charge. Women are going to say that because what they’re really saying is, I want a man who naturally embodies masculine energy.
Because if I can trust this man to lead, if I can trust this man to provide structure, if this man is naturally confident, you know what a woman can do? She can do this. She can go, you know what? I trust this guy. I know he makes good decisions. I don’t need to be tapped into my hyper focus, leadership, overdrive, creating masculine energy.
I can actually just feel feminine and receptive. And I can trust that this guy’s making decisions and I can follow in a way. This is not about dominance and submission, right? This is just about being able to naturally feel. Feminine energy because you’re with a man that allows you to feel safe. Who can take charge, who isn’t [00:06:00] looking to you for every tiny little decision he ever makes in his life.
So over time, guys, in a relationship, so many couples will lose this polarity because they become unconsciously way too balanced in their energies. So when people are both, when you and your partner, or maybe you’re thinking about your ex partner, When both of you guys become hyperlogical and really practical, which is naturally masculine energy, it starts to feel like you’re business partners instead of lovers.
Now, if you’re in a relationship where both people are just really soft and like quite passive, then you kind of don’t really make any decisions and you’re both deferring to each other. And that’s not particularly helpful either. This is why it’s the strong polarity that creates this excitement and creates the attraction that all of us are wanting [00:07:00] longterm in our relationship.
So this polarity fades in a relationship because naturally if a man starts to Then a man can become passive, which means you stop making decisions and you start asking, what do you want to do all the time? Now the woman in response steps more into her masculine to compensate and the Attraction fades, right?
It’s like, let’s just pop this balloon now and get it over with. So another example of how this polarity disappears guys is if a woman is constantly taking on a controlling role, she’s organizing everything. She’s making all of the plans. Over time, her partner, i. e. you, if this is what’s happening with you, starts to feel kind of unneeded.
And way less engaged in the [00:08:00] relationship. So women end up in these roles because a lot of men have started to demonstrate feminine energies, more passive behaviors. And you see this more typically with men that were raised in households by their mothers and less by their fathers. Now it’s really common in America in particular for men to I’m going to grow up in fatherless homes.
Not always fatherless homes in the sense that they didn’t have a dad or their dad didn’t come to the home, but maybe he was too career orientated and he, you know, you never saw him or he actually, you got, you know, your parents got divorced when you were young and you stay with your mom. Well, your mom’s going to do her best job to raise you, but she’s going to raise you with the skills and the characteristics that she knows, which are the ones that she possesses, which tend to be more.
Feminine. Unless you were raised by a woman that was very, very controlling, [00:09:00] right? And then even then you start to feel this dynamic where you kind of feel unneeded and less engaged in that relationship as well. Now polarity can also disappear in your relationship, guys, because of external stressors, work, kids, responsibilities.
It’s lawn care, all of these things that you need to do, right? They push both of you into this practical problem solving mode all of the time because you’re so freaking stressed out that it weakens your polarity. Stress and big life changes are one of the biggest factors to weaken our connectivity to our partners because stress is so omnipresent that all we are focusing on is trying to get rid of that stress by problem solving versus just getting Being and being playful and teasing our partners and building that loss and building that attraction.
So these are reasons why it goes away, [00:10:00] right? So we don’t want that to happen. So how can you guys actually balance and maintain some of this polarity? Well, step number one, guys, Leaning into your masculine energy. Now, what does this mean? This has nothing to do with toxic masculinity or any of that crap.
This is about leaning into taking initiative. This is about you guys, despite being 10 years, 15 years, 20 years into a relationship, or 2 months into a relationship, take initiative by planning dates. Take initiative by making decisions. Take initiative by leading with confidence. You also need to be staying grounded.
Women will naturally relax into their feminine, like I said earlier, when they feel safe with a strong masculine presence. Right? So stay grounded. What I mean by that is And women, women need to work on their emotional composure, composure just as much as men. But if you’re flying off the handle all the time, if you don’t know how to compose yourself, if you’re [00:11:00] yelling and stressed and angry and up and down and all over the place, then a woman doesn’t feel safe.
You know why? She has no idea what version of you she is going to get and how can anyone feel safe when they’re. so much unknown all the time, especially with emotional reactivity or responses. So learning to stay grounded and composed is like the sexiest thing that you can do. Now maintaining things like mystery and tension are also really important.
This is how you can balance and maintain that polarity guys. So. Try not to be predictable all the time. Change things up from time to time. If you like one thing, well, like something else for a change. Or you always come home at a certain time, come home earlier, come home later. If you always text good morning and night, do something a little different.
Break out of the routine because routine creates monotony. Monotony is not very sexy all of the time. Now this is things that both men and women can do obviously, but you [00:12:00] also want to be able to encourage a woman’s feminine energy. So. So, if you’re playful and you’re present with her, then she feels safe to relax into her feminine.
Now, what the heck do I mean when I say presence, right? Let’s say you’re sitting down at the end of a work day, and you’re sitting at the table. And she’s just opening up and sharing about her day with you, but you just can’t help but flip that newspaper, or get that distraction on your phone, or your eyes are kind of half watching the football game in the corner.
You’re not present. You’re not there and she knows it. And that is called disconnection. Even if you’re trying to split your attention and do two things at once, that’s not presence at all. Presence is when you are really actively engaging with her, right? And then when you’re actively engaging with her, even if she’s stressed out, you can still invite playful energy, but you can’t do that when your attention is split on multiple different things.
And women don’t need you to be present with them 24 hours [00:13:00] a day. Sometimes what we really need is just five minutes of intentional connecting in any given day to feel close to you. To feel like, I have a partner that just loves me and listens to me and, and connects with me. Even if it’s for five minutes out of 24 hours in a day.
It allows her to feel like she can be safe. I’m going to talk to you today about how you can make your partner feel like she’s happy and you can make your partner feel like she’s safe and comfortable that you’re a person that gives her attention. And it just makes her feel like she wants to do things to make you happy and to please you too.
Right? So what you can do is actually encourage this expression. Let her be spontaneous and a little wild and wacky because that’s the feminine energy. Allow her to be playful and goofy. Allow her to emotionally open up to you without good judgment. This happened to me the other morning. I had one of those mornings where I got out of the bed on the wrong side of bed.
The first thing I did was roll over and check my phone. First mistake. And the first thing I saw was a fraudulent charge on my credit card. And it was the second time that this has happened to [00:14:00] me. I’m trying, I’m getting charged six months after taking a rental car in Scotland. Six months ago I was there and they keep, every three months, they charge my car like 1, 700 for a supposed flat tire.
And it’s completely infuriating me. So I woke up, angry because I saw this and I’m like, I’m going to have to deal with this again and another credit card issue. And then I got up and of course it was like the stubbed the toe, spilled the drink, fumble and feel late for all my calls. And it was just one of those mornings where I just, then that’s what it was.
I went to go change out of my pajamas and as I’m shaking my pajama pants off, I kicked my foot onto a bin that we haven’t unpacked yet in our new home and I just fricking lost it. Okay. I’m pretty emotionally composed most of the time. And in that morning I just caught myself in the closet just screaming all sorts of profanities cause I just didn’t have my shit together.
I didn’t. And you know what would have been really awful if my partner was like, Oh, here’s all these things you need to do and let me problem solve [00:15:00] all. No, he was just like, I’m just going to say it’s okay if you’re feeling that way. Just let it out. And I was like, Oh my God, how nice. He’s just, he’s letting me just express myself.
And not that he was necessarily encouraging that expression, but he was just letting me be. And I calmed down so much faster because The alternative is when a partner tries to stop you from feeling that discomfort right away. And you just don’t feel like you even have the space to express yourself.
That’s what I’m talking about. When I say to encourage feminine energy, that anger and expression and emotions I have was not directed at my partner. It was directed at myself in the world. And I needed a safe place to let that out so that I could actually move on from it. So this is what I’m talking about.
When I say, allow a woman to Have her expression in life. Women are not emotionally composed creatures all the time, nor are men. We need to be allowed to let these things out without our partner immediately feeling uncomfortable and trying to [00:16:00] suppress that, which is what we do a lot of the times. We are uncomfortable in someone else’s discomfort and we try to minimize that and that is really depolarizing.
Now, Something else you can do guys is compliment a woman’s femininity. So it’s kind of like Pavlov’s dog’s rule. It’s like we reward the behaviors we like, right? So if you like when she’s being feminine, and you appreciate her softness, and you love her laughter, and you think she’s really creative, these are the feminine energies that you can compliment her on so that she thinks Oh, my partner loves when I’m this ways and I love being these ways and that’s accepted and valued in this relationship and if I want to be creative and I want to do a painting or I want to play in the garden or I want to get my feet dirty and do all these things and my partner Encourages that femininity and you keep that polarization guys.
So how can you tell if a woman is [00:17:00] actually in her feminine energy? Because you bad masculine men out there that are dating women are probably thinking, well, there are a lot of women that are very career focused that have become so used to operating in that masculine energy. And if you are wanting to be that masculine energy, then it’s like two bulls in a China shop.
It does not go very well. So. How can you actually tell if a woman is in her feminine energy? Well, she will be expressing her emotions. And her body language not necessarily has to be half Maltese like me and have that European arm talking flair, but she’s expressive with her emotions and her body language, which means she’s not super closed off and she’s not super rigid.
Now you’ll notice that over time as you get to know someone and see what their body language is over more than just one date. You’re also going to know if a woman’s tapped into her femininity. If she’s really playful, she’s [00:18:00] spontaneous, she’s creative. Like I was mentioning before, if a woman is following intuition and having fun, being playful, whether that’s in the kitchen, in the garden, with her work, with her kids, that’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.
And that means she’s feeling safe to express her creative side. And you also know that a woman is tapped into her feminine energy if she responds to your masculine energy with attraction and receptivity. This is a huge one here, because if a woman’s not in her feminine, she’s in her masculine, and you try and lead, you’re just gonna fight.
You’re just gonna fight, because it’s two people trying to control everything all the time, and that’s the unsexiest thing that you can have happen. This is something I had to be so Aware of because I had a career in finance and I worked with men and I still work with men and it’s I run the business and I do the things and I have this ability to tap into the masculine energy when I need to and I have to remind myself when to let go and be playful and be creative [00:19:00] so I don’t butt heads with my partner all the time and it’s such a nice feeling to be able to oscillate between the two when you need it.
So encourage that feminine energy, guys. Lead with confidence and certainty. Be deeply present when you are spending time with a woman. Avoid those distractions to make her feel seen and safe. And give a woman the space to express her emotions freely, guys. Polarity is not about gender. This is about balancing masculine and feminine energies.
Because attraction thrives. When this strong polarity is maintained, if your attraction is fading, it is often because the polarity is being lost. You’re both trying to problem solve. You’re both trying to make decisions. The woman feels like she’s controlling everything. Um, this is not good energy to be in.
And if unchecked and undealt with, it will probably end in the relationship [00:20:00] demise. One of the major reasons why men end up working with me after a divorce. I hear the same story over and over again. My wife’s really controlling, right? And this is not about placing blame. It’s about understanding that the right kind of polarity is so healthy for your relationships.
So you can reignite this polarity. by stepping back into your masculine energy and encouraging her feminine energy. So if this resonates with you, if you’re like, Oh my God, I kind of needed to understand that. Or I want to even go deeper to, to learn more about this. There’s lots of great content online.
Maybe I’ll do another series on this. So if you want me to go deeper, you want more explanations, more examples of this, let me know in the comments below. I can creating this content for you guys. Um, and, uh, you know, I’d love to know if you’ve noticed that polarity shift in your past relationships, or maybe just check in with yourself right now as you’re dating guys.
What energy are you tapped into? Are you really passive with women when you’re dating and you’re letting them lead? When are they [00:21:00] free? When is the venue where they want to go? What, like, is it always on them? Or are you a little more assertive? Are you taking a little more of the lead and having a little more structure when it comes to dating and getting to know you?
So this is really interesting thing for you guys to think about. Um, now, if you want more in depth, um, you know, content on this, let me know. And of course you guys, cause I did a quicker intro for all of you. If you. So if you’ve stuck with me to the end, of course, you know that, um, you know, it’s absolutely my pleasure to get to know you guys.
If you’re interested in coaching, you are welcome to book a complimentary call with me. We’ll get to know each other. I’ll share with you how I work, how I work with former clients, the different options I have. It’d be my pleasure to support you on your journey to find a deeply loving and meaningful relationship.
Um, and thanks very much for sticking to the end, staying tuned for this week’s video and look forward to seeing you guys all next week. Take it easy.
