In this episode of The Self-Confidence Project, I’ll be discussing how to determine if a woman is the right one for you in the bedroom. I’ll also share tips on effectively communicating your intimacy needs positively in a relationship. Book your dating strategy call with me today by clicking here or watch my free masterclass here.
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. I’m your host, Kimberly. And today we’re going to be diving into how you guys can tell. If the woman you are dating, getting to know. Newly in a relationship with is the one for you in the bedroom. So I’m going to be sharing with you five signs of true intimacy.
And my dog is going to be shaking around. In her crate here while we talk about it. Okay. So how can you tell. Because look, sex might be great. But true intimacy guys. This is a whole different level. So how do you really know if the woman that you are courting, pursuing, getting intimate, where newly in a relationship with in a longterm relationship with is actually the right one for you?
Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. Okay. So before we dive in, because I’m really excited to talk about this, this is really important content that I honestly wish I knew a long time ago. Um, if you [00:01:00] are navigating dating in 2025. Okay. And you’re frustrated. You’re burnt out.
You’re not attracting the right types of women. You’re not sure how to set your online dating profile up for success, or you’re not even quite sure how to date, if you aren’t dating online and you want some guidance, you want some genuine support to navigate dating so that you can attract the right type of woman and get into the right kind of relationship. Then, please feel welcome to book a complimentary dating strategy.
Call with me. We’ll get to know each other. Talk about how I can support you or direct you to other resources. If I cannot. Now, if you’re not quite ready to jump on a call with me, totally understand. Do you want to come say hi Jenny? Since you’re just being a weirdo? Come here. Say hello? Okay. There you go.
The internet knows that you exist. Now you go in your crate. Good girl. Okay, you stay, I don’t have cookies. She wants a cookie I’m out of cookies because we’re moving house and a couple of weeks. So the cookies all been packed up guys. So I’m sorry to say, Ginny, our sweet [00:02:00] Mexican rescue pop. Won’t be getting cookies.
You’re just going to have to, you’re just going to have to chill little chicken. Okay. Pardon for the interruption now? Guys, I also have put together a free masterclass. So if you’re dating again, after a divorce separation, long-term relationships been a little while since you’ve been out there navigating modern dating. Definitely check out this free resource.
I put it together specifically for you. And whether you want to book a call or watch that free masterclass, you’re going to find the links in the YouTube show notes here for very easy access. Now let’s talk about what are the signs of true intimacy intimacy in the bedroom. And the first one is super important guys, which is. You feel, and these are all reciprocal, right?
So a woman could be watching this video and thinking through the same list. And that would be really important for her to okay. Number one, you feel safe to be yourself. The indicator you want to be looking out for here, guys, is that there is no performance pressure. This is not a horse and pony show, right?
There’s no fear [00:03:00] of judgment in terms of how you are performing and just how you’re showing up when it comes to physical intimacy. So the example here is that you just don’t feel like you’re constantly needing to impress this woman every single time you, you. You know, get into the bedroom or into the laundry room or into the wherever you guys go.
Right. Instead there’s just this natural flow. There’s probably some laughter taking place, which is a great sign. Um, and there’s something that’s really important. There’s mutual enjoyment. That’s so important. And that’s such a good indicator of whether they’re true intimacy that is taking place now. The signs of a woman is going to give you. Is that she is creating a space where the both of you can express your desires physically or verbally, right?
You can express your preferences and you can even share what your insecurities are when it comes to bedroom intimacy. And you can do that without shame, right? He are you [00:04:00] at a point in a relationship where you can truly be real about what’s going on with you physically in the bedroom, what your intimacy desires are and do that without fearing a bunch of shame. So, so important to have this safety first and foremost for men and for women.
Okay. Secondly, this is hugely important and I wish I. Understood this more about myself and about. Prior partners, is that the connection that you have extends beyond the bedroom? Now I get it. Some of you that you’ve had, like one night stands or you’ve had like great hot, steamy experiences. You know, the sexual chemistry can be off the charts.
Right. But the indicator here is that, does your intimacy extend beyond the bedroom? It’s not just about the physical act. It’s also the emotional, intellectual, spiritual experiential intimacy that you experience with this person outside of just the bedroom. [00:05:00] So, and a great example to think about here is. After you two have rolled around in the sheets or whatever you’ve done.
W what happens to your behavior afterwards is the woman that you’re with because it’s just immediately like get out of the bag, go shower, completely ignore you, start making coffee, like do her own thing.
Like as if you don’t exist, you’re going to roll over and start scrolling through her phone, a new house renovations, or like what’s going on. When you guys have completed the act, are you still connected? Are you engaging in Pillowtalk cuddles, caressing, you know, essential touch. Um, is she staying present with you?
Are you staying present with her? Right. Okay. And I know a lot of guys are like, yeah, I’m going to after like, you know, I’m like, I’m dead. I’m like, I got no energy. Yeah. You can muster up a tiny bit of energy to still connect to one another. Right. So here’s the sign you want to look out for that you have a great woman here. For this type of animacy is she sees physical connection with you as a bigger emotional bond?
Not [00:06:00] just a transaction. It’s not just a. I do this so that you can do this and we’re trading fevers all the time. It’s like, no, there’s, this is like part of something that I want in a relationship. This is mutual experience. Right? So, super important to look out for whether your connection extends beyond the bedroom or only exists in the bedroom.
Okay. A lot of people. Have experiences and have relationships where they have great sexual chemistry, but they’re really disconnected and all other areas, or it’s vice versa. You’re really connected in all those areas, but something’s not translating in the physical aspect. So both of those. Can be problems and both of those things need to be dealt with.
So if you actually stick to the end of this video, I’m going to share how you can communicate your positive desires in the bedroom. Now, the third sign is that you have a woman, you have a partner that listens to and respects your needs and you are doing the same. So the indicator here is that your needs, your boundaries, your preferences. They actually matter. Holy crap.
Right? [00:07:00] She actually cares about what those things are. She’s receptive. She wants to listen to your needs. In fact, it’s really helpful when you communicate them, because then. She can actually do something about them. So the example here, right? Theoretical example, guys, that maybe you express to your partner, that you love it slow that you want central touch before you dive into anything.
And she’s going to actually remember that, or maybe you’re the opposite. Maybe you’re like, you know, sometimes babe, I just love it when we just.
Do a real quickie, you know, because my back is sore and I can’t. Whatever it might be like, so you can communicate your preferences clearly to each other. And we are going to be respectful of that. You’re going to be respectful of that. So the sign you have the right partner here is that she is receptive to your feedback. She is curious about what pleases you, and she wants to find a way to have that mutual experience.
Super important, hard for people to do. There’s so much stigma and shame around conversations about sex. Um, and so it’s [00:08:00] important that you, you know, are building that safety first, so that it’s easier to open up about these subjects. But I would not be surprised if you guys get to know a woman who was literally never spoken about this stuff before, or never felt like she could or doesn’t have the tools or skills, or you don’t have the tools or skills, or never really felt like you could.
And so if you get into the right relationship where you’re with someone who’s open-minded and cares about your mutual connection, it’s going to make these things slightly easier, but you’re still going to need to practice doing this. Now the Gottman Institute says that couples that talk about sex have more sex than. They have better sex.
So you better start talking about it. Although I could do a whole, another YouTube video on the right. Time. So talk about sex because there are definitely some times that aren’t super productive and probably are not going to help you. So. The fourth thing I want you guys to look out for here is whether or not there’s playfulness and that emotional safety right.
Playfulness here. So the indicator is [00:09:00] sex is not just a routine. Right. It’s not just another checklist for your day. It’s not like getting up and brushing your teeth. Right. There’s laughter there’s exploration. There’s the sense of fun. Now the example here is that you might be trying something new. With each other, whatever that new thing might be, that’s up to you guys.
Right. But instead of there being a whole bunch of awkwardness, you’re both laughing about it. You, you can move on. There’s no fear of really getting it wrong here. And I can think of a couple of people and a couple of stories where people tried some things and got it wildly wrong, but they were okay with that.
And that’s super amazing because that allows you to play and have fun and be curious and not worry always about the outcome or. If you’re going to be perceived a certain way, you guys are just on this mutual journey together and you guys can try everything you ever wanted to try. I call it the menu of. Intimacy, what is on of a menu for you?
Right. And I’ll tell [00:10:00] you what’s on the menu for me. And we’ll see if our menu items align and maybe what I’m willing to try of yours that I never tried before. Maybe you’re going to try something of mine. You’ve never tried before. What’s on your menu, guys, can you maybe meet, you can talk about it that way.
Maybe you can make a physical menu of all the things you want to try and share it with each other on Valentine’s day. Okay. So the sign that you have, the right partner here. Is this woman doesn’t take everything so seriously, right? She can enjoy the moment she can experiment and she can make it feel like an adventure.
And that means you have a woman who really actually loves herself. Not all women are connected to their bodies. They’re not all connected to their sexuality. There’s lots of different reasons for that. Maybe with the right partner, she can actually start to open up slowly. So I’m not saying here that when you meet a woman, she’s gotta be perfect out all these things. She’s probably not going to be. But is there that safety, that commitment to explore to at least start talking about it, because then you’re on. A good track for success now.
Pardon me guys. I’m like recovering from a bit of a cold, so I’m going to have a sip of coffee here. [00:11:00]
Okay. Now the last sign. Is that is your intimacy deepening over time. So, this is really important because most people are like, yeah, it was sex was great in the beginning and then it just went downhill. Right? So what you want to be looking for is instead of your intimate connection, fading over time, your connection is becoming richer as your trust.
And as your comfort as your exploration goes, now this takes effort. It takes conversation, it takes leaning and it takes overcoming obstacles because the truth is. Once your interrelationship, here’s like the real truth. At least this is my belief and what I’ve seen in my life experience and with all of the clients I’ve worked with.
And in this field that I’m in. Most people get into relationships and it’s like, that’s the peak and it’s all downhill from there. And that’s because people stop doing what they did in the beginning of the relationship. They stopped being. Open-minded. The sup being as caring as not being as [00:12:00] respectful. Or they move houses or a family member dies or their finances struggle or name any other stressor that just rips apart, that connection that two people have.
And instead of finding a way back to each other, they let it suffer. And then there’s this demise of this type of intimacy in a relationship. And it’s really common. So it does take effort to find your way back to somebody in this way. And that’s why I want to share with you a very short kind of tips on how you can communicate your intimate needs with your partner. Um, you’re also going to need to be negotiating with your partner for the rest of your life.
Okay. When two people get together, it’s like you were agreeing to now negotiate, like everything in our relationship forever until we die. And that doesn’t sound very sexy, but it can be sexy. So. What I want you guys to look for here is that whether it’s months or years into your relationship, sex can still feel fresh and not, not because you’re trying crazy tricks all the time.
If you want to go for it, but because there’s [00:13:00] emotional depth behind your intimacy. So the emotional depth will fade if you’re not working on the relationship. And, um, a lot of people don’t really understand. What working on the relationship. Means or how to do that. And maybe that is an idea for a whole other YouTube video.
How do you do the work in a relationship? Right. So the sign of a right partner here is that. She invests in your connection. She sees sex with you as an evolving and growing aspect of the relationship. Evolving. Evolution there, you know, you’re working on things together here. So how can you communicate and express your needs for intimacy? Right.
The first kind of just general overarching rule. I want to share here guys, is that whenever you are talking about something that tends to be. More sensitive. Right? It’s so important to state things in the positive. So if you start this conversation with your partner, You know, I just really don’t this and I’m not really sure.
I like this. And [00:14:00] we’re not really having enough of this and we just, how come you never want to do it? My way it’s like immediately a woman is just like, Shutting down, same way as if she came to you and was like, you never do this and you never do that. And you always do this and you always do that.
You’re like, whoa, lady, like. Hold on. Let me get my shield to defend from this attack unprovoked attack. Right? So we can’t just do that with our partners. You can, but it’s not very productive. So we want to always bring conversations up in the positive, which means first you want to acknowledge what a positive is.
You want to affirm something in. The relationship. That is great. I love how connected I feel to you when we’re together. I love how connected I feel when we do this. It really makes me feel close to you really appreciate this. I really love this about you’re really, whatever, something positive to acknowledge and affirm something great in your relationship.
Secondly, you need to express your needs. Clearly clear is kind because if you’re like, Hey, I really love if we could. You know, [00:15:00] have more sex. It’s great. Okay. Fine. Like it’s not that specific. So instead you want to say, I love it. If when we have sex, we could X or I love it. If, when we’re intimate, we could do this specific thing, right.
Or I would love it. If next time we’re intimate, we slow down and take our time. You want to be specific. You want things to be actionable. Otherwise, how can a partner truly meet your needs when. There isn’t really a specific thing to, to meet. Right. And this is something that takes courage and it takes thinking through it before you even say it, because if you’re just reacting or emotional or you’re feeling like really frustrated because your intimacies in. Kind of a darker place or in a slower pace.
And you’re like, oh, I just like this, that and the other. And you’re really vague. It’s really hard for partner to meet your needs anyways. And you might be like, well, I’m telling her all the time, but you need to express your needs clearly. So always using I statements, no blaming, no [00:16:00] assuming I really like it.
If we could insert positive, clear request. And then you’re gonna invite her perspective and hopefully she’s going to invite yours if she’s communicating with you. Um, and because this is a two way conversation, not a dictatorship, right. You’re going to ask about her feelings and her needs. How do you feel about our connection in the bedroom?
Is there anything you would like more of? Is there anything I can add to this menu? Is there anything you need me to scratch off for you that you’re just no longer comfortable doing? Like maybe we just need to update our menus from time to time. Maybe that’s a really fun way of having this conversation. And then you just want to reassure and build that connection together.
So reinforce the goal that this is about forming a deeper connection. Ah, about fixing a damn thing. We need to stop fixing our partners and fixing our relationships instead of let’s just focus on connecting more deeply. What can we do to continue connecting more deeply? Not what can we do to fix something that I perceive as broken? I think. You know, we all have the ability [00:17:00] to use different words and communicate in a different way, but the truth is humans are so highly sensitive.
And so the way that we communicate really does make a difference. I had to learn that the hard way, because I was not a very. Poetic. Soft-spoken communicator. And I think that’s because I, you know, I went to a private school and I worked so many years in financial derivatives with men. It’s like, there’s no kind soft.
No, it’s like get to the point lady. Or get to the point or get to the message. So I develop communication. That was really. Like somewhat aggressive. I just did not land in my relationships, obviously. So I’ve had to totally relearn this myself. And it’s so important and it’s way more productive. Being kind and like slow in these conversations and intentional and positive always gets a better result. Than frustration and reactivity or pointing out things that we feel we need to fix.
So it’s always about reassuring and building that [00:18:00] connection. Uh, and continuing to explore with each other because true intimacy is not just about wild experiences. That’s on your menu. Have. Have a great time, watch your back right in your neck, but it’s about a deeper connection. So if you see these signs, this woman might be the amazing fit for you in the bedroom. Her openness and communication to talk about sex is probably going to extend to other areas of life, which means you probably have a woman who’s very, open-minded. Um, and is going to enjoy exploring. With you for the rest of your relationship or lives guys.
So if you enjoyed this video, I’d love to hear your comments on what I have shared with you today. I’d also love to hear maybe some of the challenges you’ve had with communication, but also men that are watching this, that have had success. Having great conversations, share that because let’s share positive knowledge so that more people are going to have better sex and better intimacy and better lives and live longer and be happier and radiate positivity.
So we’re not all driving down the road really frustrated because we just had no sex. And I want you guys all to have more sex and better sex. So hopefully you’ve really enjoyed this video. I love bringing you guys this content and look forward to talking with all of you next week. Ciao.
