In this episode of The Self-Confidence Project, Kimberly explores the #1 trait women find sexy in a man that will help you achieve the emotional and physical intimacy you’re craving with women. She discusses the importance of staying composed, understanding yourself, and building trust in a relationship. By maintaining calmness and responding thoughtfully, men can create a safe environment for women to open up, leading to deeper and more meaningful relationships.
If you’re dating after a divorce, or long-term relationship, watch my FREE MASTERCLASS here: https://dating.kimberlyninahill.com/home
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Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. I’m your host, Kimberly. And today I want to break down for you guys, how you can actually achieve the emotional intimacy and physical intimacy that you were genuinely craving with women. And why you having emotional maturity is going to actually get you the result and the type of relationship you are wanting.
It’s in fact, the sexiest thing a man can possess. Now, before I dive into today’s. Today’s awesome. YouTube content that I’m excited to share with you. If you are just following my channel will of course welcome aboard. Uh, you know, we talk all things like dating and relationships. And of course we don’t know, I am a dating and relationship coach for men.
So if you are looking for some support this year on how to navigate modern dating, with clarity, with confidence, with ease, with composure, you want to start attracting the right types of women into your life and go on and have a deeply loving relationship than I am your gal. I invite you to book up book a [00:01:00] complimentary conversation with me.
Uh, I see if I’m the right fit for you. We’ll talk about all the different options that I provide as a coach. Uh, and. And hopefully you can be like a lot of my other clients that are connecting with great women. They’re feeling way more confident in the dating space. And they’re just building the right kinds of connections and relationships that they truly desire.
Now you’ve probably been told that women love money and they love great tall, handsome men. Right? Sure. Why wouldn’t women, women love those things. I love money and I love tall handsome men too, but you know what? I don’t love. Uh, tall, handsome man with money. That is an asshole or a tall, handsome money. That literally is so immature that by the second date I am paying just to get out of there myself. So the truth is money and looks might catch a woman’s attention, but they certainly aren’t the things that keep a good relationship.
Thriving. In fact, one of my very first videos talks about why [00:02:00] good looking men get dumped all the time. Now here’s the truth. Guys it’s about emotional maturity. And emotional maturity. Isn’t about being super stoic all the time. It’s not about not showing emotions with women. It’s about how to stay composed, understand yourself and build trust in a relationship. And there’s plenty of great research out there for all you research minded, people that talk about the practical psychology that breaks us down, I’m gonna be sharing and weaving some of that into today’s video.
Now, the truth is what the heck is emotional maturity. Right. It probably has some sense of what it is. And it’s, you know, honestly guys, it’s the ability to regulate your own emotions. It’s how well you can stay composed under pressure. Or despite feeling anxious around a woman. Or how composed you can be. Even when a woman is behaving in a way that you don’t like. And it’s about you making decisions from a place of clarity, not impulse.
This is [00:03:00] a huge thing. It’s about deciding how you want to respond to. Um, moment of stress or a moment of poor behavior, not how you want to react to it. Right. And there’s some great material. Uh, by an ex CIA gentlemen called chase Hughes. Have you ever come across him? He wrote the book, the ellipsis manual, and he talks about how emotional control is a key leadership trait.
In fact, when a man can stay composed, he naturally becomes the comm center of a storm. And you know what that signals power. And safety. Especially to women. Women are drawn to power. Right. Women are drawn to safety. In fact, safety is a precursor for women to open up emotionally and physically.
Hey guys, just a quick little interruption here because I want to talk about today’s video sponsor. Thank you, Tiege Hanley, who talk all about men’s skin care. But for me guys, the reason why I’m happy to be [00:04:00] working with this brand is because for me this is all about self care. This is about taking care of your future self.
And skincare is so much more important than a lot of guys give credit to. Because maybe you don’t think you have an issue with it today, but in 10 years from now, you’re going to be really happy that you spent 60 seconds a day looking after the biggest organ, which is your skin, right? Your future self is going to thank you.
Now, a lot of my clients are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, and they are dating again after a divorce or the end of a long term relationship. And the number one thing I notice with a lot of men is that they have dehydrated skin. Okay, and dehydrated skin really ages you, so if you’re going to do anything, at least wake up in the morning, use a daily face wash.
This is an exfoliator you can use a couple times a week, and then they have a similar container for their daily moisturizer, right? Moisturizing your skin, especially guys, if you’re updating your dating profile and you want to have nice headshots that really represent how you feel about yourself, um, the first thing women are going to notice is [00:05:00] your skin, right?
Do you look healthy? And are you aging in a nice way? Because that’s attractive to women, right? So, they’re going to notice that you’re taking care of yourself, but most importantly, you’re going to notice how good you feel when you spend a little bit of time looking after your appearance. Um, it’s honestly small things, just like grooming and self care that really translate quite well in the dating process.
Uh, you’re going to feel a lot more confident, and honestly, their stuff smells pretty good too, their exfoliator. In particular, I steal, my, my boyfriend uses all their stuff and I steal it every now and then when I want to use an exfoliator. So guys, just do something nice for yourself today. It’s a really small investment, um, that’s gonna pay dividends over time if you’re consistent with it.
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Um, and so within a couple of days you guys can start taking care of your skin. And, uh, you’re gonna notice how good it makes you feel. So, thank you Tiege. I do enjoy working with them. And, uh, and guys, uh, I’ll put the link because they’re gonna give you 40 percent off your first box. Gonna give you a free gift as well.
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MacBook Pro Microphone & FaceTime HD Camera: So when you are composed, You become a mirror guys when you are a mirror. A woman’s emotions. With, you know, women’s emotions are like a tornado, right? They might be running really high. Your [00:07:00] calmness is going to reflect her behavior back to her. And it’s going to reflect her behavior back to her without judgment. Because being calm and emotionally controlled, doesn’t include. Huffing and puffing an eye-rolling.
Right. And so what you’re doing guys is you’re creating an environment where a woman feel safe to deescalate and to open up to you. Now you’re probably saying to yourself, well, why do I even have to be calm if she’s behaving this way? Well, no human is perfect. Right? So you hope that a woman can stay calm. And composed, if you’re having a moment of anger or a moment of frustration, and she sure is hoping that you can say calm and composed when she is, because this is going to allow her to truly deescalate and open up to you. Now if a woman is testing your boundaries, oh, we women like to test your boundaries, right.
Or we react emotionally. If you stay grounded guys, you’re unshakeable, right. It’s going to build the kind of trust that, you know, you need in a relationship [00:08:00] because she knows that you’re not just going to crumble under the first little bit of pressure that she provides the relationship. And you guys know this, you know, that trust is the foundation of real deep attraction. And trust is sexy because without trust. What’s going on in a relationship, right?
The truth is there’s another study that was done by Arthur, Aaron. He talks, uh, In his intimacy building research. Um, and he does 36 questions to help strangers that have never met each other, actually come together in a room and sometimes feel like they fallen in love with each other because there’s this. Emotional component and trust is at the core center about trust is at the core of any deep connection. A woman needs to trust you and trust that you can handle her emotions and her vulnerabilities, just like you do with her and even her flaws. Right because the opposite of that is opening up to somebody and them using your vulnerabilities against you, weaponizing your insecurities, you guys listening to this video.
You’ve [00:09:00] probably had an experience with a woman where you opened up to her. And she used what you shared with her against you and in later argument, or to provide proof that you’re not the right man for her. This is weaponizing our words against us. So this is why in the reverse guys, when you stay emotionally mature, a woman can begin to trust that who she is imperfect and all flaws and all. Is someone that you love and your a man that she can depend on and be safe with because without this emotional intimacy, physical attraction is out the window guys, right?
If there is no emotional intimacy, you are not going to have the late night. Romps the hand holding the hugs, the cuddles, the kisses that you guys are craving and need and totally are worth. Right. So the analogy here is that trust is the glue that actually is going to hold the attraction that you’re craving together.
Now, without it. Attraction slips away. Uh, no matter how much money you have or how [00:10:00] good you look, because those are external factors that have to be backed up by something more. Right. You know, this too guys, you know, that even though you’re attracted to a really beautiful, attractive woman, that over time, if she is constantly crazy, that you’re just like, I don’t know if I can put up with this anymore. Right. Maybe you’re just going to put up with it a little longer.
Cause she’s so hot, but eventually you recognize that none of your needs are being met and that attraction actually isn’t really the perk precursor to having the kind of intimacy. Uh, that you truly desire. So how you can have composure and how this is going to build trust. Well, when you remain calm, And you’re emotionally steady guys.
It sends two subconscious messages to a woman. It says I can handle challenge and stress. I got you, babe. I can hatch. Handle challenge and stress. And the second message that it sends is you can be yourself. I’m not reactive. You can be yourself. You can be yourself with me because I’m not reactive. I am not a danger to you. [00:11:00]
Trust becomes a motivator for a woman to want to connect with you emotionally, and then physically, because she knows that you’re a man that she can rely on. So this is going to motivate women to connect with you sexually, by the way, for the right reasons. Not because she’s afraid, not because she’s wanting to get back at you.
Not because if you watch my other YouTube video on the motivations for women to have physical intimacy with men, You want to motivate a woman to connect with you for the right reasons, not at a fear or insecurity or trying to salvage the relationship. You want a woman to actually connect with you. She’s like, hi, Evan, love you deeply your core.
And you’re the first man that I’ve ever just. Been able to let some of my crazy out around, not at around. And you just, you just like still love me anyways, and I want to connect with you. So there’s a connection between safety and desire. Modern women want a man who makes them feel safe, not just physically, but emotionally.
I say this over and over again in my [00:12:00] content because it’s one of the most important things. Guys, women feel compelled to keep a man around who often offers that safety and security without control without neediness. Okay. So what I want to explain here is that humans are biologically wired to seek safety in relationships and emotional maturity will trigger a woman’s natural desire to bond with you. Because she knows that you’re not going to abandon her emotionally. Uh, and you’re not going to let situations spiral out of control. And that’s a precursor to be like, okay, well, if this man can like handle all of this, well, then let’s see if he can handle all of this. Right.
So this is the right motivation for a woman to want to connect with you. So when she feels secure, guys, she’s no longer motivated by shallow reasons, status, appearance, all the things that you guys swear that women are into. Right. But she’s actually motivated by her ability to create emotional intimacy intimacy. Enemy. I can’t [00:13:00] say the word. Emotional intimacy with you guys.
And this is going to lead to that deeper, more meaningful relationship that you are craving. That’s why men come to work with me because they’re going, I don’t want superficial. I want something meaningful. I want a partner. I want someone I want to hold hands with. That loves me. That chooses to kiss me on the neck.
Not because she’s afraid I’m going to. Be an asshole if she doesn’t, because she’s motivated to want to connect with me in a really positive way. So guys, how can you practice emotional maturity? Because it doesn’t matter what your age is. This is probably something we all need to be practicing. You don’t just get more mature because you got older, you get more mature because you recognize that there are certain skills. And emotional responses that are more supportive for us as we get older and we have these experiences, we need to be working on this stuff today.
So how do you regulate emotions in real time? He take a minute to breathe. Right. You pause before you respond. Even those few [00:14:00] milliseconds, sometimes just a full second. Of. Before I respond. Okay. We’ll allow you to move from reaction to responding. And it allows you to reflect on your emotions before you act out.
So if she is upset, If she’s done something. Weird crazy in your dating experience. I want you guys, my dogs walking past me. I want you guys to listen to her. I don’t want you to try and fix it. I don’t want you to react. Just listen. You don’t, you don’t need to jump into problem solving mode. You don’t need to minimize what she’s going through. You just, you’re just there.
You’re listening for a moment. And this alone shows emotional maturity, right? And then you can communicate calmly because right now you’re recognizing that your nervous system doesn’t need to get totally wired and fired. That’s what her experience is right now. You’re just listening. I’m not fixing, you’re not reacting. You’re just opening your ears and listening, and then you can communicate [00:15:00] calmly. You can use open-ended questions to get to know what her experiences what’s been weighing on your mind lately. What’s, you know, I can see that. You’re struggling or hurting a lot right now.
What’s, what’s going on, open up and share with me and this active listening. It’s going to build trust and allows her to feel seen and understood guys. And this is what’s going to lead you to have the kind of relationship you want to have. So if a woman cancels the date on you, she gets upset at you. Right.
You respond with composure always instead of frustration, say that’s okay. Let me know when you’re free to reschedule. Now, she never gets back to you. She really wasn’t that interested in the first place. But if she does it’s because she knows your man that saved to come back to, she knows that she can make a mistake.
And you’re someone who safe. Now, guys, this is not the same thing as tolerating poor behavior from a woman over and over and over again. This is about handling emotional moments with composure. It demonstrates maturity. It puts a responsibility on [00:16:00] her to meet you halfway, this isn’t. How do you stay calm despite how crazy a woman can be in your life?
No, this is demonstrating that you have emotional maturity and that emotional maturity is going to get you the relationship that you truly desire, or it’s going to reflect a woman’s behavior. So poorly back at her that both of you are under the impression that you’re certainly not right for each other. Emotional maturity guys.
It’s composure. It’s trust. It’s deep connection. Women are motivated to stay with man. Not because of looks not because of money because they’re with a man that has a emotional safety, and that is something so beautiful and something that is really lacking today in modern dating across men and women.
So I want you to start practicing how to become more emotionally mature because the next time you’re in a heated moment, ask yourself, am I reacting or am I responding? And I am not saying here. That all you guys react poorly or with anger or with frustration, but sometimes you guys react with people pleasing.
Okay. So if someone acts [00:17:00] poorly towards you, a poor reaction is to be, well, how can I fix this? What can I do more to win you over so that you don’t feel this way? That’s not emotional maturity all either. Okay. I want you guys to be calm and respond. That simple question of, am I reacting or am I responding?
Can really shift your entire dynamic with women. If you want to dive deeper into those skills and then come on board because. I’ll go with me, check out my course for men. Uh, who want to master modern dating? Okay. This is the truth of what we need in order to have the relationships we truly desire.
Kay. So you guys all next week.
