Welcome back to The Self-Confidence Project. In this first episode of 2025, I discuss the challenges of dating in the modern world, especially after a long-term relationship or divorce. I outline four key traits to be mindful of when dating women. Whether you’re navigating the dating scene or aiming to build a meaningful connection, these insights will help you approach relationships with more openness and clarity.
If you’re dating after divorce, separation or a long-term split, and want support navigating dating with clarity and confidence, then let’s have a chat.
Apply to work with me here: https://calendly.com/d/g6n-fjw-3qw
or watch my free training here: https://dating.kimberlyninahill.com/getfreetraining
Kimberly
Here’s the transcript:
Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project. My name is Kimberly Weir. This is the number one video that I’m putting out in 2025. So I am wishing you an absolutely joyous year ahead. I hope that you had a great holiday season. And if you’re out there dating. In 2025. Then, you know, you’re up against some wild wacky challenges because dating in today’s culture today’s society is just very, very different. And it’s very apparent that a lot of people are struggling with dating and struggling with navigating, how to approach people in real life.
You know, date again, after a long-term relationship is ended navigate online dating apps. You know, we got a AI like taking over the world, uh, same time. So how can you sift through all of this and create authentic connections with someone that you really want to spend your life with? You know, that you want to go through life’s hardships with that you want to. [00:01:00] See out the last 10, 20, 30, 40 years of your lives with, and today I want to share with you, uh, four characteristic traits that you guys in particular want to be mindful of with women that you might be meeting. Okay.
And this is because this is common characteristics that women will possess if they are dating again, after a divorce themselves or after the end of a long-term relationship, right. There’s typically going to be. Women that are in their forties and above, although it’s totally possible for women underneath 40 to possess these characteristics and traits. What I’m trying to say here is that these are more common. Uh, traits that are going to be demonstrated in women that have gone through a relationship that didn’t work out.
Now, that doesn’t mean that this woman isn’t going to be a great catch or a great partner for you. But I wanted to start off 2025 and just let you know. Okay guys, if you’re out there dating clean slate, you got goals for this year. I [00:02:00] just want you to be mindful of these four. Uh, traits when you are out there meeting great women. Just so you’re mindful of. You know, when it is going to be time to kind of navigate away from somebody. If they’re not demonstrating the right kind of qualities that you want to be seen. Uh, and you might even recognize some of these characteristics in your self.
Now, before I dive in and share what these four traits are, guys, if you don’t know, I am a coach for men, I’m a dating and relationship coach. I work with professional educated men who are serious about finding the right relationship and want to go on to have a loving, monogamous, deeply respectful, intimate relationship with a woman.
And if you are looking for so some, some support. You want to navigate 2025 with a lot more care, clarity and confidence and understand deep compatibility than I do invite you to apply to work with me. There are limited spaces for one-on-one work. Um, if you’re not sure you’re ready for that yet. I also want to welcome you to watch my free training that is designed specifically for men like you to give you some tools and quick wins.
So you can show up in dating feeling a lot more confident and lot more clear. And guys, you can just find links to both of those, the application to work with me or the free training in the show notes of this. This podcast and YouTube video that you’re seeing here. Okay. So go ahead and look at all those additional resources.
Now, if you’re brand new to this channels, 2025, so I just want to welcome you to my channel. And of course, please subscribe. If you haven’t already, um, now I’m going to jump straight in because we’ve already had a three minute intro and I know you guys, you know, have valuable time. So let’s talk about. These four traits that you want to be looking out for sometimes in yourself, but mainly in the women that you might be dating.
Now, the first one is going to be. In flexibility. Okay. Now I don’t talk about not talking about, can she do good yoga poses or not? I’m not talking about that kind of flexibility. What I’m talking about. Is. Inflexibility with one’s lifetime emotions [00:04:00] schedule, et cetera. Okay. It’s an issue because after divorce it’s really natural for you or a woman that you’re dating to want to have control over one’s life. And sometimes that can lead us to be quite rigid. And we can block organic connections from forming.
Now, this kind of inflexibility when it comes to, you know, time and emotions. Uh, with other people often is going to stem from a fear of being hurt, right. Or being hurt again, in particular it’s being hurt again. If you’ve already gone through a divorce that really hurt you or, you know, just really, you know, it was unsatisfying, the last relationship you had.
Right. So, Often this inflexibility is, well, I don’t want to be hurt again. So I’m going to make sure that I have control over who I’m dating and how I spend my time, or I don’t really want to lose my independence that maybe I’ve gained now after getting out of a longterm relationship that might’ve been suffocating or didn’t feel so good.
[00:05:00] And I’m actually. You know, kind of afraid of what could happen. Right? Love is risky. Great. You never know how things are going to go. And so as a result of this fear, I’m really inflexible. Now, what you want to watch for here is. You or the woman you’re dating insisting on absolute preferences or rules such as hearing yourself say, I will only date a woman who dot.dot fill.
And I’m like, I’m only going to date a woman who. Has this experience or has done this in her life or has this quality, or is this characteristic right? And what you’re doing is immediately you’re going to pigeonhole yourself. And in fact, that can create a lot of rigidness and block organic connections with a woman who could be absolutely perfect for you. But you’re just not going to allow yourself to feel that way because I only date women who dot, dot.now. It might also look like you refusing to adapt any of your plans or make any kind of compromises.
Um, even [00:06:00] for small things like scheduling a date. Now I know this is a really. You know, frustrating point for a lot of guys, you know, you guys are the pursuers you’re putting effort into seeing when a woman is free, making sure she’s comfortable and then trying to plan the date and ask her all when it’s appropriate.
And maybe it’s when she has her off week without her kids. And you’re considering a lot of things that. You know, probably aren’t being taken into consideration in the early days from the women you’re dating. But if you become so rigid where you’re like, well, if she doesn’t notice all the things I’m already doing for her, and I’m not going to make that little compromise, or I’m not going to change the schedule or bump it back. You know, an hour or a move it an hour earlier.
Cause like that’s it. I’m done. You. Being flexible. Um, well then you’re probably going to struggle with dating in 2025 because you know, you’re going to need to have a little bit of that adaptability. Especially if you’re dating women that are dating after divorce, they do have kids. They might even still be balancing a professional career. You know, you’re going [00:07:00] to need to recognize that someone already has a very. Hopefully in an emotional way, a very fulfilled life.
It probably a very busy life in many aspects. And so there’s going to need to be some flexibility there. Now in flexibility also shows up where you’re expecting a woman to fit into your life perfectly without allowing room for you both to grow together. So sometimes we think like this is where I am and this is where she is.
And if we don’t connect perfectly, then we’re just not the right match for one another. Geysers, no perfect person out there. So please don’t be inflexible in the sense that you can’t see some ability to grow together or to learn each other’s preferences. Um, or to be even quite open-minded, even if you’re dating again in your forties, 50, 60 seventies. It’s like, there’s still time to learn new things.
There’s still time to enjoy different parts of life. And so if you’re meeting a woman who you don’t think fits perfectly into your life right now, it doesn’t mean she might not be perfect for you and [00:08:00] open your mind to other avenues of life. So in flexibility, guys, within yourself, within the women, you’re dating. You know, you want to make sure that you’re flexible and adaptable.
And likewise, you want to make sure that the woman you’re dating has an air of adaptability and flexibility too. Because again, if there’s no room for movement here, um, then you’re just going to feel like you’re only inserting yourself into her life when it’s totally convenient and appropriate for her.
And that’s probably not going to work for you and vice versa. So that’s another one. Number one thing I want you guys to be mindful of now, secondly, is. In particular. I want you guys to be mindful of women with unresolved bitterness. Towards men. Or women that demonize men. Okay. And this is an issue because lingering anger or resentment from a woman that had a previous relationship that didn’t work out with some guy. Right is probably going to, in some ways, if she’s not doing appropriate healing, this woman is going to [00:09:00] carry a lens of distrust and probably blame towards men, into dating and into her next relationship.
Now, this bitterness that this woman might have. It’s probably going to really repel a genuine connection. Um, or you might think that you’re somehow the exception to her rule. Right. So what you want to watch for guys? Is women that make negative generalizations about man, such as, you know, all men are just selfish or untrustworthy. We’re all men are this, or all men are that these are absolutes, cognitive distortions, right?
Not all men or all of these things, but if a woman has come to so deeply believe that all men are just pigs. They’re all men are just lazy or all men are just selfish. You’re not going to convince her otherwise. And you probably shouldn’t try. Right. You might think, well, I’m just the exception to the rule, but. This woman has some deep seated beliefs and anger and resentment.
It’s not your job to kind of like make her, see the light, so to speak. Right. You [00:10:00] also want to watch for a woman who frequently brings up her ex and conversation, especially in a critical way. Well, he was always just so this, he was always just so that it’s like, Ooh guys, dodged a bullet got out of there.
It’s not your job to fix. The entire marriage, a dissatisfaction that this woman had before meeting you. Now, you also want to watch for women that dismiss acts of kindness that you do. Um, and spins them as, oh, you’re just doing that to get this. Oh, you’re just bringing me flowers because you wanted this or you’re just, you know, saying that nice compliment to me because you’re after something, right.
Some women are like that, right. They’re going to dismiss the genuinely loving, nice kind things you do. And they’re going to see them as manipulative or tactics or things to, you know, control her because she is not trustworthy of men or men’s actions. Now the biggest grand is gestures in the world. Um, it might put a smile on her face temporarily, [00:11:00] but unless she is working to really change deep seated beliefs about men, about you in particular. Um, guys, you want to probably mark this type of thing as a serious red flag and get out of Dodge.
Now, last thing here you want to watch for. With women not. Have unresolved bitterness or can demonize men is a woman who overanalyzes small actions, uh, or words as signs of bad intentions. Right? Um, this kind of behavior really stems from unresolved pain. Um, it’s, you know, it’s really out born out of a need for protecting ourselves, although it’s not a very good coping mechanism, obviously it’s very hurtful towards other people towards men. Um, and while this woman might have very valid feelings about why she’s mistrusting, right?
She might say, well, my, my ex cheated on me multiple times, or, you know, he didn’t show up when I needed him or whatever it might be. There might be really valid reasons why she’s mistrusting and these feelings of hers are going to be quite valid in [00:12:00] some instances, or in all instances. Um, but they just create walls, that block healthy, fulfilling relationships.
And guys, it’s not your mission. And like, you know, As you’re dating in 2025 to go out there and try to heal all these women that you’re interested in. Right? You want to find a woman that you can grow with who’s open-minded and who’s not so inflexible, or has already gotten to a point in her life where she’s like demonizing. Men right.
Stay away from these type of women. Now the third thing you want to be mindful of guys is. Whether you or a woman that you’re dating is super over-eager for commitment. Okay.
This happens so often, especially with anyone that is slightly wired anxiously. If you understand anxious attachment, then you know, anxiously attached individuals are really quick to want to commit because commitment in their mind can equal safety.
Oh, we’re committed. Now I can relax. I’ve already got this person. It’s obviously not the case, but it’s how it’s perceived. So why this is an issue is [00:13:00] because when you are divorced and dating again, or you’re out of a longterm relationship, I think that was very meaningful, very, very serious. It can leave a void where stability once existed.
Now, even if you’re in a relationship that wasn’t very fulfilling, there’s still routine and routine can sometimes feel very comfortable. So if you’re dating again after a divorce, or it might just be this void where stability once existed. And that can make you want to rush into something new. Um, because you’re like, Hey, um, I kinda like really liked, you know, my partner wasn’t right for me, but I liked the, you know, a lot of the elements of the life we had and the routine we had.
So the next woman I find that’s kind of good enough. It’s like, I want to rush into this commitment to get the security that you might really be missing. And guys, this is going to cloud your judgment. It’s going to result in repeating old patterns. So you’re just going to go right back into. A relationship that feels very similar.
Even the, even though the woman might be radically different. Okay. Um, I do breaking pattern work with a lot, [00:14:00] almost all of them that I work with because if we don’t understand our patterns, it’s really hard to break them. Okay. You might be interested to watch the free trading to, um, and book a call with me.
If this is something that you’re like, ah, I think I’m struggling with this. Now, what you want to watch for here is. Pushing for labels or exclusivity too early in a relationship. Obviously you want to be mindful of feeling overly invested in a woman before you really truly get to know her or vice versa.
If she’s like, you’re the man of my dreams. Let’s. Get together and get married and move in together and all this stuff very quickly. I’ve had this happen to some of my clients, right? Like B. Wary of things feeling too good to be true and things moving really, really quickly. And you guys you want to watch for ignoring red flags in favor of moving the relationship forward.
Oh, well, I’ll just ignore this trait that she possesses because what I am getting is moving in with her and I’m getting that security I want. It’s like, yeah, but that [00:15:00] thing definitely is good. But you in the ass. So don’t ignore red flags in favor of moving a relationship forward. It’s the worst thing that you could do.
Okay. Healthy relationships grow organically. Rushing we’ll make you miss essential compatibility checks and it will very likely lead to disappointment or heartbreak. Which you’re not here for, you’re here to find something genuine and long-term and lasting, and it’s okay to go slow in the search and in the pursuit of that now, it doesn’t mean that slow means 10 years to find your special person.
It just means it might not happen in 10 days. Okay. Now the last thing I want to talk about here is. Women that are emotionally unavailable. Or use excessive independence as a wall. Okay. So why this is an issue. Guys is women that have a fear of vulnerability after divorce will create emotional distance. And they will hyper-focus on their careers or independence.
Oh, I can think of a particular clients that was very successful in his own, [00:16:00] right. Wanting to date a woman who’s also very successful in her own. Right. And it seemed like a nice, great combination, but that IX, that, that success of hers in particular, um, was where she could escape feeling any kind of emotional connection to anybody in her life.
So. Uh, while independence can be very empowering. It can be taken too far in some instances, and it can prevent deeper connections from forming. Um, And so what you want to watch for, if you’re like, okay, well, I don’t want to just discount any successful woman, obviously not. What you want to watch for is women that keep conversations surface level and avoid personal topics.
Okay. You want to avoid.
Uh, women that say things like, I don’t need a man for anything. Um, because this is a statement that’s trying to prove her strength. Even if she’s desiring connections, like I don’t need a man. I don’t need a man to pay my bills. I don’t need a man to cook for me. I don’t need a man to do anything for me because I don’t, I just don’t need a man.
I’m so super [00:17:00] Uber independent. Don’t need a man for anything. Well, okay. Well then. What role are you going to play? She doesn’t need you for anything right now. You also want to be mindful of rejecting acts of kindness. So a woman who, you know, is you’re, let’s say you’re on a date with her, right.
And you’re like, oh, let me carry your handbag for you or carry that bag for you. And she’s like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I got this. Ooh, a goddess. I used to do this too. That’s how I met one of my former partners as we happened to be, we didn’t, we didn’t know, we didn’t plan this. I was working in Singapore at the time and I got on a flight to, um, to ch uh, Chang.
Yeah. Was it. Where was I going? Check my. Chiang Mai Thailand. I was going somewhere in Thailand to go kiteboarding. So I was very adventurous at the time and I was on my own. It was just a weekend thing I was going to do away. And one of the guys in the office. Who. Um, I had a little bit on I four was also on the same flight going to Thailand as well, that [00:18:00] weekend with his whole broking desk.
Okay. The whole broken desk was going for a team building weekend away. So it was him. And like 15 other guys, and it just happened to be a little old Kimberly alone on that same flight, going to go do a kiteboarding lesson. And of course, because we had a slight eye for each other, we decided to, you know, kind of, you know, hook up. In an Uber and go to the airport together.
Hookup hookup. On a ride to the airport. And when we got there. Um, and we were on the aisle of the airplane and I had my carry on with me. He offered to put my carry on. In the overhead compartment. And of course at that time it was very independent. I said, no, I took the bag. I put it up there myself.
And then I grabbed his bag and put his up there. Ultimately switching masculine, feminine dynamics completely. Um, because I didn’t, I didn’t want that act of kindness. I wanted to sh. Show and prove that like, I don’t [00:19:00] need a man. And I was in a point in my life where I was very emotionally unavailable. And I just didn’t understand myself and my emotions.
And that was actually a really small sign that represented that. And people don’t really pick up on this. And I only had this insight really, you know, reflecting years and years past that, but I rejected acts of kindness. Um, such as him wanting to do, you know, put my bag off in the overhead compartment. Um, because I didn’t want to feel dependent on a guy.
I didn’t want to be like you. I don’t need you for anything. I don’t need you to book my flight. Take my bag. Right. It was super Uber independent. And that was not a good sign. Um, and, uh, so that’s just a little anecdotal story to share with you on like how these things could actually manifests and prevent themselves or present themselves.
Um, Women that are very emotionally unavailable are going to sabotage potential relationships. Um, and tell themselves that they’re better off alone or that you just can’t do things right. Or that they can do them better than themselves. And that’s going to [00:20:00] keep you at a distance. So if you’re noticing that. K lock.
It doesn’t mean that this woman is a goner. But, you know, there’s a lot of walls to be broken down here and unless she is actively understanding and working on them herself, it’s not your job. Right. Emotional. Uh, on availability or excessive independence can really make you feel unneeded and unimportant, which is what I did to that individual, because we did that.
I’m getting into a relationship and I recognize that I couldn’t see his value in the relationship because I was so focused on how to be independent myself. Okay. That’s what destroyed that relationship for me. So I’m very, very cognizant and aware of it now. Um, but vulnerability guys is not a weakness.
It’s a foundation of authentic connection. So I let my man, I carry my bags every now and then. Right. Okay. Now final thoughts here, guys, these traits in particular are common after divorce or after a relationship that was very significant has ended. They’re going to stem from things like self protection, unresolved [00:21:00] wounds.
Now having this awareness, having intentional effort to address these things, or also guys for you to be recognizing what’s going on with these women that you’re dating. We’ll help you approach dating with a lot more openness and balance and the ability to build meaningful connections. So very quick summary, if you’re really inflexible or the woman you’re dating, Sindh flexible.
Be mindful of this. If women have very unresolved, unresolved bitterness, or they demonize men, I would get out of Dodge. Right. If, um, you or a woman is super over overeager to commit, you want to figure out how to slow things down because there’s things that you are missing here that are probably going to pop up and bug you or destroy the relationship later.
And if you’re dating a woman who’s, uh, emotionally unavailable or very using excessive independence as a wall, you want to be mindful of, is she even aware of this? And if she’s not get out of Dodge, if she is, um, look, you know, everybody is a work in progress and all. All relationships are built and co-created, and we can bring out the [00:22:00] best in other people.
So guys, things to be mindful of. Hopefully you enjoyed this first podcast video of 2025, and I look forward to bringing you more content every week. If you’re new to this channel, please subscribe. We have some other great videos for you to check out. Please also check out all the links below. If you’re ready to work with a coach, I’d love to chat with you.
See if we’re a good fit. Um, if not, I’ve got some great resources. Uh, and directions, I can point you and, and wishing you guys all an amazing, uh, start to 2025. See you next week. Ciao.
